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Old 12-04-2007, 02:33 PM   #1
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Mr. T Facts

If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll ****ing break you. 154 8.331
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool." 304 8.313
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis himself. 256 8.313
Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr. T wisely checked his swing. 71 8.254
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise. 146 8.199
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles. 127 8.197
Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson. 83 8.193
Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the **** down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts. 227 8.159
The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity. 240 8.100
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang. 112 8.089
In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools. 171 8.058
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain. 145 8.041
If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry . 83 8.036
Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A ****ing WALL. 105 8.029
Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot. 117 8.017
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk. 107 8.009
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode. 52 7.962
Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and it out solved. 91 7.956
Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. 106 7.943
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T. 57 7.912
Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay. 110 7.909
The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked. 54 7.889
Mr. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction 44 7.886
Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods. 92 7.804
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors. 64 7.797
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was. 180 7.783
Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet. 235 7.779
Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape. 84 7.774
Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity. 82 7.756
Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle. 108 7.722
Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on. 57 7.667
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi. 74 7.662
Once, Mr. T joined forces with Chuck Norris to fight crime. All criminals in the known universe were instantly vaporized by the sheer awsomeness of their Mohawk/Mullet combination. Afterwards, Mr. T created Vin Diesel using a welder and a 55 gallon drum, but left him bald so that he could not challenge their hairdo supremecy. 89 7.652
When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal. 91 7.637
What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Mr. T has found too chewy to eat. 55 7.636
Mr. T currently resides in a small village in Turkmenistan, where "Mr. T" translates to "Santa Claus." In unrelated news, Children in Turkmenistan are scared shitless of Santa Claus. 51 7.627
Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba. 99 7.616
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox. 53 7.604
When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out. 84 7.583
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him. 61 7.574
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Old 12-04-2007, 02:33 PM   #2
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Mr. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rules and building a fully functional M1A1 Abram Main battle tank, when all they needed to build was a steam-powered catapult. 51 7.549
Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back. 199 7.543
Mr. T has beat the out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative. 56 7.536
Mr. T once murdered a man with his that why it is known as T-bagging 88 7.534
Mr. T is the original black Power Ranger. 42 7.524
Mr. T was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it. 88 7.523
Mr. T invented orphans. 42 7.476
Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them. 46 7.457
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it. 79 7.443
Mr. T was fired from his job as a weather man because his forecast was always 75% chance of pity, clearing late in the evening with a 95% of pain overnight. He was always right. 52 7.423
While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week. 90 7.422
Mr. T once was a referee at a football game, blowing his whistle he created a new call, "Too much jibbah-Jabbah on the field!" He punched the other officials in the nuts when they argued, then he set about pitying all the fools in the stadium. 43 7.419
Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black. 86 7.419
Mr. T claims that the "T" stands for pain. 62 7.419
Jabba the Hut used to be a tall beautiful blonde woman named Susan, until she talked too much during a date with Mr. T.
After piting her to the point where she melted into the slug beast form, Mr. T re-named her Jabba to remind her not to jibba-jabba so much. 57 7.404
In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration... that move is forever known as T Bagging. 46 7.391
Having had enough of Germany, Mr. T landed on Normandy with the Marines, crossed his arms with intense pity for Hitler, and instantly destroyed the war machine. Known as T-Day by the locals, history mistakenly refered to this event as "D-Day". 44 7.386
When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear. 42 7.381
Mr. T may pity fools, but he has no love for Scientologists. 37 7.378
Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you." 46 7.370
When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right. 60 7.367
Ever have one of those nights when you'd wake up panting and sweating? That was Mr.T, and you my friend, have just been pitied. 51 7.353
Mr. T once beat Donovan Bailey in the 100 meter dash. He didn't even know he was racing, just that someone near the finish line leaned against his Toyota Camry. 51 7.353
The General Mills cereal company fired Mr. T from his job of coming up with new cereal ideas. Unfortunately for us all, they would not allow Mr. T to create a cereal that was made with chunks of raw meat and gold. 46 7.348
Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture. 67 7.343
Mr. T never takes showers. Instead, whenevr he's dirty, he points to himself and shouts, "CLEAN!" 56 7.321
Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools. 42 7.310
The turning point of World War II was not when the allies invaded Normandy, but when Mr. T was born and Hitler shot himself to avoid the consequences. 40 7.300
Mr. T was once offered a role in the James Bond movie. The producers were going to call him T. After taking great insult from the producers trying to remove the Mr. from his name, he decided to kill them. Just as this occurred the current Bond walked in. After a brief stare down, Bond pulled out the Golden Gun. Luckily, Mr. T had a gadget of his own...his fists, and for the first time ever Bond met his untimely death. 54 7.278
Although Mr. T contains vitamins A1, B2, C, niacin and iron, it is YOU who are part of HIS complete breakfast, suckah. 43 7.256
Mr. T encourages people to "love their mama." This is because if you aren't loving your mama, Mr. T will break your front door down and love your mama until he pitys her. 52 7.250
The Big Bang was actually Mr. T pitying space and time for all their jibba jabba. 63 7.238
Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba. 55 7.236
Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger. 60 7.233
If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small. 56 7.232
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold. 52 7.231
Mr. T once biked around North America, beating Lance Armstrong's Tour De France time by 3 and a half hours. When questioned about this amazing feat his only comment was "France is for fools!"
48 7.229
The Catholic Church is considering sainthood for Mr. T, taking in consideration for the pity he has shown to so many fools. When asked what he would do with this new found honor he vowed to challange Stallone and regain his championship. 51 7.216
Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.
48 7.208
Mr T is credited with the invention of the . He invented it when some fool dissed Mr. T and Mr. T punched his heart through his . 34 7.206
If Mr. T wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses. 51 7.196
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither. 61 7.180
Mr. T is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 41 7.171
The first car was initially named the "Ford Transpor-mobile." Mr. T pitied Henry Ford so bad that Ford came to his senses and appropriately changed the name to the "Model T." 47 7.170
Mr. T has four stomachs like a cow. Still, he can't stomach no fool. 55 7.164
Physical contact with Mr. T's gold chains produces the same effect as evolution. 52 7.154
The laws of physics state that nothing can survive entry into a black hole. Mr. T jumped into one, emerged five minutes in the past, and threw all the scientists out of a window. Just to show them that Mr. T makes the laws. 48 7.146
Mr T., after many years of market testing and demographic researching, finally decided to enter the fashion world and produce his own line of custom purses. Despite promising projected sales, his company soon shut down after the introduction of their motto, "Women love the T-bag". 43 7.140
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you. 51 7.137
Scientists theorize that Mr. T cannot catch AIDS because his T-cells pity the virus into submission. The study of this phenomenon would lead to an AIDS vaccine; however doctors cannot obtain a blood sample because medical science has been unable to invent a hypodermic needle capable of piercing Mr. T’s skin. 44 7.136
Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you. 61 7.131
One fool needed so much pitying Mr. T had to take a break and let Chuck Norris pity the fool for awhile, after which Mr. T pitied Chuck because he wasn't wearing enough gold necklaces to properly pity the fool. 39 7.128
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence. 57 7.123
Mr. T says that E-mail is a bunch of jibba jabba for suckahs and that he pities the fool who uses E-mail. What does Mr. T suggest? T-mail. 34 7.118
Mr. T eats turkey everyday except for the last Thursday of every November. This day is known as "Thanks For Giving Us Fools A Chance To Eat Turkey, Mr. T", but was later shortened to "Thanksgiving" for the sake of brevity. 43 7.116
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count. 33 7.091
Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel are actually the names Mr T has given to his testicles. The ability of his to make movies has saved Mr T the bother of earning a living himself for the past 20 years. 58 7.086
The film "Brokeback Mountain" was originally pitched as an off-beat romance starring Mr. T and Chuck Norris. The sole reason the two legends declined the starring roles is because if Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to kiss, would die. 45 7.067
Mr. T has killed Mr. A through Mr. S; U through Z are slaves in his gold mine. 54 7.056
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Old 12-04-2007, 02:53 PM   #3
i rock knobbies
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too bad he'll never be Chuck Norris.
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Old 12-04-2007, 02:58 PM   #4
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Too much to read....
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Old 12-04-2007, 03:12 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by cogs69 View Post
Too much to read....
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Old 12-04-2007, 03:16 PM   #6
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not as funny as chuck norris

~Dream as if you live forever. Live as if you die today~ James Dean

Originally Posted by Sifu-TZ View Post
It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 12-04-2007, 05:15 PM   #7
#1 Satans' Buttnuggets
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I have to walk away, or I won't stop laughing! hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha!
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Old 12-04-2007, 05:23 PM   #8
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Funny, but not as funny as Chuck Norris... "birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like T's" made me laugh, but after that i just stopped reading.
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Old 12-04-2007, 05:27 PM   #9
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Any facts on Chuck Norris?
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Old 04-07-2008, 08:39 PM   #10
Twist the Grip, Let'r Rip
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cool, now I got something to read at work tommorrow!

soo far this one was my fav.:

"Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot. "
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:26 PM   #11
what what in the ?
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he brought a boy out of a coma
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