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Old 08-27-2008, 10:22 AM   #1
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Mean Streak

My son has been playing practical jokes on me ever since he came back to work with us so I decided to get even. I will be posting up some of the letters that I sent him through the mail in very bright colored envelopes that stick out like a sore thumb with full explaination of what is on the inside. Let me know if you think I have a mean streak.

this is the first of fifteen and he has no clue who is doing it...

Thank You for Your Payment
To America’s #l Gay Men’s Magazine!

We are so engorged with excitement over recent interest in the Gay World. You are going to find that with a man is so much better than with a woman. The mans’ prostate holds the key to the most extreme you will ever have in your entire life. Your subscription to Man On Man Action Magazine will give you insights on meeting places and meating places in your area. Join some of group events, you are sure to walk away with a smile, that is if you can walk at all. Your first magazine should arrive in two – three weeks and if your not completely satisfied not only will we give you your money back; but we will send out a representative to make sure you are satisfied with our service.

Sincerely Yours,

Johnson Hung
President of Man On Man Action Magazine
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Old 08-27-2008, 10:27 AM   #2
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Oh yeah, that's mean. How old is he?
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Old 08-27-2008, 10:31 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gunshotwound View Post
Oh yeah, that's mean. How old is he?
25 and straight
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Old 08-27-2008, 02:24 PM   #4
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that is freaking AWESOME!!!!
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Old 08-27-2008, 02:34 PM   #5
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that's funny!
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Its the stupidity. It gets added to our forum in normal and controlled doses which actually serves to the benefit of the website.
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Old 08-27-2008, 02:42 PM   #6
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Just buy him a lifetime membership to NAMBLA. I think those come with monthly newsletters and stickers.
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Old 08-27-2008, 02:45 PM   #7
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this was his second letter

Back Order Receipt
Inflatable Friends, Inc.

Dear Mr. Ellis,

We regret to inform you that your recent order for the Big Bertha blow up doll is on back order, and not expected for another 4 – 6 weeks. We will be happy to ship when they arrive or you can choose from one of our many other blow up friends.


We have the following available immediately; Ba Ba Bad Sheep, in black or white, Midget Mania also in black or white, Big Dong Dan in black only, Big Betty with port holes at mouth, buttocks and or Sloppy Sue in pink.


Your satisfaction is our ultimate goal, if we do not hear form you we will wait and send your Big Bertha doll as soon as she becomes available, otherwise you can go back on line to view other related items to choose from.



Thank you,

Joe Blow,
CEO, Inflatable Friends, Inc.
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:47 PM   #8
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here's another

Thank You for Your Request
To be a member of
Gay Friend finder

We have found you a match. Unlike many other friend finder outlets, we want to find someone that you will stick with. We only accept the finest men from across the country to become members. You are on your way Chris Ellis to a union that is unlike any you have had before. You will soon start receiving applications through the mail and you answer the only the adds you are interested in. Good luck with your dates.

Sincerely,
Jack Mehoff
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:48 PM   #9
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and another

RENTAL CLUB
PAST DUE NOTICE!


Mr. Ellis,

Your rental fees for the KONG DONG are seriously past due and fees are due immediately. Please be sure to clean and sterilize before returning make sure that all ribs are cleaned individually with antiseptic or alcohol.


Your last was returned and we found traces of t around the shaft and head and this is unacceptable. We rent these to you clean and free of debris and that is the way we expect to get them back.


Please return KONG DONG as soon as possible or you will be charged the full face value of $69.69. If you should choose to keep this product we will automatically charge your visa check card for the full amount including over due fees.



Thank You,
Big Shivers
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:52 PM   #10
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and another

Inquiry Information

Mr. Chris Ellis,

Thank you for your recent inquiry into our product, it shows great pride in your self and those whom you sleep with. Most men with a smaller would shy away from getting the help they need to protect themselves and others’ thus why we created Snug Fit Condoms sure to fit the teeniest of weenies.

It is a very common problem in every race and we are the only company that has had the insight to address this issue. You can order a variety of sizes in girth and length. These condoms are specially made to fit you. When ordering please indicate circumference and length for proper fit.

You can contact us at 1-800-545-2625.
1-800-lil-

Thank you again for your inquiry,

Little Jimmy
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:54 PM   #11
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and another he has been getting these for three weeks now

POSSIBLE DEFECTS
PLUG DEPOT

ATTENTION: CHRIS ELLIS

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE “RUMP RANGER” HAS POSSIBLE DEFECTS AND SHOULD BE RETURNED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.


WE HAVE HAD REPORTS OF THE RUMP RANGER GETTING STUCK AND HAS TO BE REMOVED SURGICALLY. I KNOW THIS WOULD BE EMBARRASSING TO ENTER THE EMERGENCY ROOM ONLY TO TELL THEM YOU HAVE THE RUMP RANGER LODGED OUT OF REACH AND NEED ASSISTANCE TO REMOVE IT. WE HAVE HAD REPORTS OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU THAT TRIED TO REMOVE WITH A SPOON ONLY TO RIP AND TEAR THE . NOT RECOMMENDED AT ALL.

ONE WAY TO SUCCESSFULLY REMOVE BY YOURSELF IS TO LAY WITH YOUR FEET ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND HAVE SOMEONE POP YOU ON TOP OF THE HEAD, IF THIS DOES NOT WORK TRY EATTIN A POT OF BEANS AND SEE IF YOU CAN PASS IT NATURALLY.

SORRY TO BE A PAIN IN THE ,

ANDY
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:54 PM   #12
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there are several others do you think i've gone too far LOL
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:57 PM   #13
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:58 PM   #14
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I read a few of them when I was sitting in the office. Freakin classic.
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If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

Satan ButtNuggets Mothernugget
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:06 PM   #15
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Find some of those xxs condoms and fedex him a pack / signed delivery
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:12 PM   #16
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A friend of mine in Dallas pulled a prank on his son and wife close to this. He ordered a subscription to PlayGirl magazine with the son's name on the mailing address. When the wife got the mail, she broke down crying thinking her son was ghey. She ran into the house and started yelling at the son all the while we sat laughing our off to the whole thing.

Your letters are nicely done btw. Good job. Oh, you could have the actually Kong Dong FedEx'ed to the job where he works so he'll have to sign for it. That would be EPIC
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:31 PM   #17
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He actually works with me and his dad and found out today that it was me, I think he may be plotting his revenge, but that is ok I can go to the extreme if I must
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:33 PM   #18
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here's another

Tired of Your Tiny Package?
We Can Help!



Dear Mr. Chris Ellis,

We are so pleased at with your recent interest in our enlargement pills. You will never have to say the words, “I’m cold” or “I just got out of the shower” or “He’s just shy” again. With our enlargement pills your will get longer, thicker and stronger than ever before. A tiny is no joking matter, many men are too embarrassed to seek out help.


This is not like or other enhancement pills. This is for permanent alteration of your . Some side effects are… dry mouth, sweaty palms, urge to cut your hair in a mohawk, uneven swelling of the , rectal itch, rash, penile blisters, itchy watery eyes, urine coagulation, sticky fingers, reddening of the eyes, pucker among others.


These risks are considered minimal to the effect you will achieve with your . Please send us before and after photos to be displayed in our regional office. We appreciate your time and wish you great success with your .



Best regards,

Peter Small

PS: if you are not completely satisfied with our product then you are on your own.
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:34 PM   #19
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Thank You for your Order
To Tons of Fun Magazine

Mr. Ellis,

Thank you for subscribing to America’s # 1 obese obsessed magazine. You are sure to have Tons of fun flipping through the pages of this ground breaking literature. You will find tons of girls with tons to offer.

When you begin to receive your magazines check out the local hot spots in your area. With america being the fast food capital of the world it is quite easy to find participants for our ever growing society.

Congratulations on discovering the beauty of the morbidly obese. You just think is fun with a skinny girl, wait until you hook up with one of our girls, they give a whole new meaning to having your whopper your way.

Let us know how we can serve you,

Frank lardenass
Editor in chief
Tons of fun magazine
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:36 PM   #20
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STOP GENITAL WARTS
IN THEIR TRACKS

Mr. Ellis,

Sorry to hear about your problem with genital warts, they can be a real pain and are quite embarrassing if you plan on being intimate. Our new method of getting rid of these outbreaks is unsurpassed by other companies.

We appreciate that this is a time sensitive matter as no one wants to walk around with genital warts. The process of elimination is simple…. , simply place dry ice on the affected area making sure that only the infected areas are touched otherwise your could fall right off and then you would have a whole other problem to deal with.

Should your fall off simply put super glue around the remaining shaft and stick it back on and seek medical attention immediately.

Thank you for your inquiry,
Please give us an update after your first application.

Itches
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