MotoHouston.com MotoHouston.com
Register Members List Member Map Media Calendar Garage Forum Home Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MotoHouston.com > Off Topic (everything else) > Off Topic
Forgot info?

Welcome to MotoHouston.com! You are currently viewing our forums as a guest which gives you limited access to the community. By joining our free community you will have access to great discounts from our sponsors, the ability to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content, free email, classifieds, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, join our community!

Register Today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us.


FREE MH Decals by MAIL!

Reply
Share This Thread: 
Subscribe to this Thread Thread Tools
Old 02-08-2006, 01:22 AM   #1
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









free oranges

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Similar Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
C FREE BURLESQUE SHOW WITH FREE BOOZE! TONIGHT! 10/20/2011 NewRider Events, Meets and Rides 33 10-21-2011 08:46 AM
Runt Candy... why oranges? CaligoneTx Off Topic 17 09-29-2009 08:53 PM
Free Food, Free Alchohol PLS&R Cookoff Sat 9.26.9 Flip Events, Meets and Rides 1 09-26-2009 02:22 PM
Free Food, Free Alchohol PLS&R Cookoff Fri 9.25.9 Flip Events, Meets and Rides 0 09-25-2009 04:57 PM
Advertisement
Old 02-08-2006, 01:24 AM   #2
ratmzapa
Guest
 
Posts: n/a







Member Garage





:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:31 AM   #3
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Woodpeckers
A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.

So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion - your is always harder when you're away from home.
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:32 AM   #4
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Extra Large Condoms
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:33 AM   #5
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Woman vs KFC
What does a woman and KFC have in common?

After you are done eating the , legs, and thighs, all you are left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:38 AM   #6
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Lucky Baby
There is this just married Chinese couple that decided to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy a condom from the shop nearby. When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.

The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asks the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.

"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each."

So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the thief and happily started away. The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.

When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife, mounted her and started her vigorously. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic as she thoroughly enjoyed the session.

A year later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. When the baby grew up, he asked the father. "Papa, why am I black and you are white?"

The father shouted "You are lucky, 5 cents more and you would have been PURPLE!"
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:41 AM   #7
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Wedding Fight
A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a storming row and began wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the out of each other.

The Police got called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appeared in court. The fight continued in the court room until the Judge finally brought calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court!"

The court room went silent and Paddy (the best man) stood up and said, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The Judge agreed and asked Paddy to take the stand.

Paddy began his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.

"Well", continued Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leaped over the table, ran towards us, and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The Judge instantly responded: "... that must have hurt!"

Paddy replied, "HURT ?? It broke 3 of my fingers!!!"
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:42 AM   #8
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Bra Sizes Explained
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost ...
{B} Barely there
{C} Can't complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 01:45 AM   #9
shipwreck
Senior Member
 
shipwreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: sw h
Feedback Rating: (0)
Posts: 530


Bike(s):
2001 CBR 600 F4i









Joke: Raise
The requested a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!
shipwreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2006, 04:12 PM   #10
fuknrobert
the necessary villain
 
fuknrobert's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: The Hideout
Feedback Rating: (1)
Posts: 14,959

Experience: 5 years
Trackdays: 10+

Bike(s):
'04 R6, '05 70, '04 fiddy!









__________________

Quote:
Originally Posted by bentgixxer
im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
fuknrobert is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:10 AM.


MotoHouston.com is not responsible for the content posted by users.
Privacy Policy