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Old 01-15-2006, 07:05 AM   #1
Ramius
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Mans colin leaves body through mouth!! (no pics)

Earlier today I had just finished doing my standard wake-up routine, 1000 jumping jacks, 1000 sit-ups, 250 def-leapords and 500 flights of stairs when I realized.. all that running gave me an appetite, just my luck a buddy showed up with a garden pizza, I was like 'Garden? WTF oh well I do need to watch my waistline..' I ate nearly the whole thing, it was really gooey with layers of cheese rolling around in my tongue behind waves of vegetables and bonded together by a holy marinara sauce.

Suddenly I realized that the bread was tainted! Everything moved slower and my heart just beat faster, I said to my friend 'Hey Wobblehead.. how old was this Pizza I feel funny" He just laughed and kept on armwrestling my Lemur. I didn't like his laugh so I made fun of him, I told him his breath stank. He tried to punch me but since everything was moving in slow motion I used my mana reserve to gumbify my body, allowing me to stand upright, with the top of my head touching the back of my feet, of course like any rubber band I shot back up just as his fist was passing where my face would have been, and I rebounded with such force that he went crashing slowly through the air into my couch, which promptly held him fast in my defense.

I felt guilty for laughing at him and offered him a Mentos, his breath did smell funky after all that pizza and so he took two.. but mistaking them for Sams-Club Vicadin he swallowed them whole, now just previous to this he had drank an entire 2-liter of Coca-Cola (Something about garden-pizza makes you thirsty).

Some people don't know this, but there is a sacred law in the laws of the Universe that states at no time should one person touch his identical other from a different dimmension, but even more so, at no time ever, should an atom of Mentos be combined with an atom of Coca-Cola, the resulting explosion is catastrophic on the level of Hiroshima and Weebiejeevies, of course I tried to yell this at him really fast but at the same time just as I started to say something... I got curious, and so I paused and watched. As soon as the Mentos went into his mouth the world went silent, I could actually hear the forboding doom nuggets sliding down his throat and after reaching their churning destination in the doom-pot of wobblehead I heard the dreaded plop-plop... suddenly his eyes went wide and I heard a rushing sound like the noise of a tide about to break against the sea.

The molecules had indeed combined, and were seeking to throw themselves into the nearest sun that their existance might not corrupt the very fabric of the universe and the new creation fled from heads body so fast it created a vacuum called the 'venturi effect' which basically states, if you have something moving fast enough, the pressure behind it is so low that it sucks up whatevers back there and pulls it with it... and thus is how Wobbleheads entire digestive tract, from his tongue to his colin flew right out his mouth.
I think he stained my carpet.
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Who I am now is not who I was, and who I will be is better than anything I ever could have imagined. I am Filled with the Spirit of Christ and I walk surrounded by a Host Of Angels, who can stand before the Army of ? Amen!
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Old 01-15-2006, 07:07 AM   #2
Ramius
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Now it has come to my attention that some of you doubt the validity of my life-lessons.. here is proof in form of video that what I say is true. I have provided this that you might see, and believe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=gSYHLpouFlk
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Who I am now is not who I was, and who I will be is better than anything I ever could have imagined. I am Filled with the Spirit of Christ and I walk surrounded by a Host Of Angels, who can stand before the Army of ? Amen!
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Old 01-15-2006, 09:54 AM   #3
fuknrobert
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 01-15-2006, 06:16 PM   #4
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i seen the video, but i wonder if just one mentos with coke would be as bad. i mean they do put like a few in the vid demo just to make it europt like a volcanoe.

o and that link is safe to watch, not what was described in the story.
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Old 01-15-2006, 06:29 PM   #5
FastLine
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man, you've got some serious issues!
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Old 01-15-2006, 09:59 PM   #6
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omg that has got to be the most anoying song in the world. BUt cool vid.
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Old 01-16-2006, 02:00 AM   #7
pavement
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Feel the insanity!

I'm impressed, a story like this and mr. ramimonkeys is not even on any

hallucinigenic drugs!
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