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|08-19-2008, 07:33 AM||#1|
GOOD HARDLEY JOKES
Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself....
Q: Did you hear about the harley rider that broke his arm while playing golf?
A: He fell off the ball washer!
Q. What do you get when you have 32 Harley owners in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth.
Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Milwaukee who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin.
These two trailer-trash women were talking to each other, and one asked "How is your husband doing?" and the other said "I think he is dead." So the first one asked "What do you mean. . . you think?" so the second replied "Well, the is the same but he hasn't worked on the Harley in over a week!"
Q: A Harley owner and a NASCAR fan get in a fight, who wins?
A: We all do!
Q: What's the happiest day in a Harley rider's life?
A: When they discover that they can use Right Guard(tm) under their left arm.
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|08-19-2008, 07:56 AM||#3|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Experience: 10+ years
'o7 sv650s: Tundra DC 5.7: Trek 1.2
wish I had a motard / dual sport, it'll be next
Q: what's the difference between a Harley and a vacume cleaner?
A: a vacume the dirt bag is on the inside
'07 sv650s and '08 Tundra 5.7
|08-19-2008, 08:01 AM||#5|
|08-19-2008, 08:02 AM||#6|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: West Houston
Q: why do harley owners install so much chrome onto their bikes?
A: its easier to find the shiny peices on the side of the highway when they fall off.
Brought to you by Carls Jr.!
|08-19-2008, 08:04 AM||#7|
Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower
Did you know 95% of all Harleys are still on the road?
The other 5% actually made it home.
What's the cheapest way to get another 50hp from your Harley? Trade it in on a Suzuki.
Why don't Harley riders sit on their bikes when the sidestands are down?
They're afraid to lean over that far.
What's the difference between a Harley and a Harley owner's home? The
Harley costs more and has fewer wheels.
How do you know you're riding a Harley?
While coming off an exit-ramp you get passed by a Vespa.
Why don't Harley riders wave at sportbike riders?
Because they don't want to drop their tools.
How do you know all the aftermarket parts you bought for your Harley are worth the money? You finally break into the 15's in the quarter mile.
What do you call a group of Harley Owners with a collective IQ of 120?
How do Harley engineers tell if a bike is worthy of the Harley name?
They check to make sure the exhaust noise in decibels exceeds the horsepower rating.
Why don't Harley owners smile?
Once you realized you got conned into paying $25,000 for an outdated piece of $#!+ would YOU be smiling?
Why do Harleys have fringe?
So you can tell if they're moving.
How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.
How do you know your Harley is handling great?
You can almost keep up with the logging trucks when you're riding in the canyons.
What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog? The
dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.
Why couldn't the Harley mechanic repair the doorknob?
Some things just can't be fixed with only a hammer and duct tape.
What's the difference between a Harley taken to Daytona on a trailer
and one that's being ridden there? The one on the trailer is going about 30mph faster.
Why do all Harley owners have trailers? So they can go around corners faster!
Where can you find the world's largest collection of Harley jokes? On the showroom of the Harley mega-store in Milwaukee. (Alternate answer: At Sturgis)
You know you're a Harley rider if...
...you're unable to let your bike simply IDLE at a stop light.
...you confuse the word "character" with the more accurate term "engineering flaws".
..."water cooled" means standing on the side of the road, in the rain, waiting for a wrecker.
|08-19-2008, 08:25 AM||#8|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Experience: 3 years
1997 XR400 TARDED
"What's the difference between a Harley and a Harley owner's home? The
Harley costs more and has fewer wheels."
2002 Brittish Rocket
|08-19-2008, 08:59 AM||#10|
Not Your Aerage White Boy
Race with a Harley
I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".
I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.
I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.
Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.
My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.
But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.
Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.
I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
|08-19-2008, 09:15 AM||#12|
Not Your Aerage White Boy
On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral): "When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks."
|08-19-2008, 09:19 AM||#13|
Not Your Aerage White Boy
A Harley rider is riding down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the comer of his eye..It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and rides on without a second thought...Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES
GAS STOP 5 MILES
Suddenly, he realizes that these signs are for real...Then he rides past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT
His instinct gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive....On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He locks his bike, climbs the steps and rings the bell....The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."....
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," ....
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door"....
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway"....
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup...He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.....As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
THE NEXT GAS STOP IS 10 MILES
THE OTHER WAY!
|08-19-2008, 09:21 AM||#14|
Not Your Aerage White Boy
Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "241."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "51."
Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"
|08-19-2008, 09:41 AM||#15|
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Cypress Tx (cypress N Houston & jones)
Feedback Rating: (2)
Experience: 10+ years
05 Honda Goldwing
85 V-max (wifes)
05 Vtx 1300 (wifes)
Laughed our a$$ off when we read this. Taken directly from NADA guide for motorcycle values:
Excellent — A close to perfect original or a very well restored motorcycle. A motorcycle that is stunning to look at and any flaws are minor and not readily apparent. Everything works as new. All equipment is original, new old stock (NOS) factory replacements, or minimal use of excellent quality reproductions. An excellent condition bike may seem to most individuals as a perfect motorcycle but to the trained expert will have minor flaws or inaccuracies.
Very Good — An extremely presentable original motorcycle showing minimal wear, or a well-restored motorcycle. Starts, runs, and rides well. Needs no mechanical or cosmetic work. All areas have been detailed. Beautiful to look at but below excellent condition because of limited used or restoration flaws.
Good — Presentable sheet metal, engine, and frame with signs of wear. Not totally detailed but very clean. Frame should be straight and unaltered. Shiny, attractive paint but may have evidence of minor fading or imperfections. Starts, runs, and rides good. May need minor mechanical or cosmetic work but is fully usable and enjoyable as is.
Fair — Starts, runs, and rides OK but needs some work. Motorcycle shows signs of use but not abuse. Any previous restoration or mechanical work is older and not holding up well. Cosmetics, body, and mechanics all need work to some degree. This is a complete motorcycle with most sheet metal and body parts being correct but only in fair condition.
Poor — Used for Harley-Davidson and Indian motorcycles only. A poor condition motorcycle has been used and abused and needs major mechanical and/or sheet metal work. It may or may not run. Alterations are evident to the frame or sheet metal. Motorcycle is missing or has incorrect parts, i.e. fenders, tank, seat, mechanics, installed. To some individuals this is a "project or parts bike" at best. A poor condition motorcycle is one best left to the professional for restoration.
A man opens the door for u not because he is polite. It's so he can check out your .