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Old 04-10-2008, 09:30 AM   #1
FastLine
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Exclamation NEED YOUR HELP, WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THE NEW KITTY?

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.




It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!
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Old 04-10-2008, 09:44 AM   #2
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... !!!!
:r ofl:
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Old 04-10-2008, 09:47 AM   #3
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Oh ... and I hate cats ... but if its a male cat ... I'd go have a neuter done on it without anesthesia!
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Old 04-10-2008, 09:59 AM   #4
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I have always loved seeing that story
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:12 AM   #5
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:27 AM   #6
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Baaaahahahaahhahaaa!!!!
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:32 AM   #7
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Cool

Always funny.
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:32 AM   #8
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LOL tim is that a true story?
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:32 AM   #9
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Sorry for your pain but that is just too funny.
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:37 AM   #10
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Quote:
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LOL tim is that a true story?
It's from Tim, it must be.
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:38 AM   #11
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Quote:
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It's from Tim, it must be.
Quote:
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LOL tim is that a true story?
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:52 AM   #12
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Funny chit! Cats suck!!!
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:59 AM   #13
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fuking GREAT!
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:02 AM   #14
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:21 AM   #15
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sorry
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:59 AM   #16
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shave that *****cat bald and ship it to asia. I would suggest you get a boa
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:20 PM   #17
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That's terrible! LOLOLOL
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:26 PM   #18
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That is pretty funny!
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Old 04-10-2008, 03:36 PM   #19
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roflmao
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Old 04-10-2008, 04:09 PM   #20
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Sounds like she is related to our kitten. She is on the wifes schedule now, and expects to be fed breakfast between 4:30 and 5 am. Doesn't matter if it is the weekend or holidays.. try and sleep in and she waits, quietly.

If one of us moves, rolls over, even acts like we may be waking up, here comes kitty.. you open your eyes to see a cat about 2 inches away from your face.

If you don't open your eyes and try to ignore her, she gets impatient and starts swating you in the face soft paw.

Impatient little booger!
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