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Old 03-27-2008, 02:38 PM   #1
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Talking Ask A Mexican...

Dear Mexican,

I'm a gay man in his mid-30s who has always loved Mexican men, and this question is not only from my experience, but also that of friends: Why is it that Mexican men are so flaky? They seem the top offending ethnicity in this. And by flaky, I mean not returning calls, giving out their number but never answering or returning voicemails, canceling for lame reasons after initially being very interested, etc. (I'd like to know what they do with all this free time from NOT going out on dates.). Just seems like it's their nature and/or cultura to only be interested in what's in front of them at the moment. What is your take on this?

Queer and Questioning


Dear Joto,

You and everyone else who writes in with their romantic conundrums involving Mexicans should always ask themselves before consulting the Mexican: Is it me? Ladies: When hombres wolf-whistle at you, can it possibly be because you're beautiful and not because Mexicans are inherently lecherous? Same with you, Queer: Maybe your flaky Mexican papi chulos just don't think you're their cup of horchata and are too kind to tell you in person. That said, Mexican men are the least flaky men on Earth. Think about it: Aztec prophecy claimed their descendants would reclaim ancestral lands in the southwest United States — and guess what?

----------------------------

Dear Mexican,

It would help the Mexican cause if other Americans knew of any historic Mexican heroes. Anglos mostly only know about Santa Anna and Pancho Villa, who were both cluster ****s. César Chávez is one shining star — are there any others we should know about?

Super Duper Gringo


Dear Readers,

I know, I know: I shouldn't bother with this question, since it's so obvious a put-on and any answer is ultimately Sisyphean — even if I revealed that Chuy Christ himself was Mexican, Americans would still trash their swarthy amigos. But let's play, shall nosotros? Following is a partial list of heroic Mexicans whose accomplishments benefit every gabacho:

• Luis Miramontes was a co-*creator of the birth control pill, which lets *gabachos screw without shame or *worrying about out-reproducing *Mexicans.

• Mario Molina helped discover that chloro*fluorocarbons were eating up the ozone layer like illegals do our social *services.

• The Virgin of Guadalupe protectsall Catholics in her role as the Em-press of the Americas and con-vinces to spare non-Papists from .

• Juventino Rosas wrote "Over the Waves," a waltz that provides much merriment whenever a cartoon needs to show people getting seasick.

• Salma Hayek's .

• Rebecca Webb Carranza popularized the tortilla chip, ensuring the Super Bowl's survival.

• And last, but certainly not least, the millions of Mexican immigrants in los Estados Unidos who write the paychecks of Lou Dobbs and his pendejo pundit pals and make life much cheaper for the rest of us.

http://www.houstonpress.com/2008-03-...ask-a-mexican/
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:42 PM   #2
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all i read was the gay part...and i stopped reading.

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Old 03-27-2008, 02:45 PM   #3
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u racists crystal!
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:47 PM   #4
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Okay -phobe here is another funny one:

Dear Mexican,

I've run into a problem with my wife. I'd like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she won't allow it. How can I convince her that's it's a long and honored Mexican tradition to do so?

Tejano Rick

P.S.: How and where did this name-display tradition start and why do Mexicans like to display the names of the Mexican states they are from?


Dear Wab,

A Mexican man who allows his mujer a say — now I've heard everything! But she won't need the backside of your hand to see things your way. Just tell tu esposa and the dozens of readers who ask me your question (it's the third-most-popular pregunta to the Mexican, after why Mexicans swim with their clothes on and the Mexican love for Morrissey) that the answer to the sticker mystery is self-evident. Next to skin color and big belt buckles, surnames are the ultimate status symbol in Mexico, a legacy of our colonial masters. The Spaniards were so obsessed with ancestry that many used the last names of their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents to flap around like the proverbial , breaking them up with the possessives de (of), y (and) and ˇ (kidding!). Mexicans — ever the resourceful pelados — kept the name game but chopped it down to just two: the apellidos of mami and papi. The Mexican's full name, for instance, is Mexican Zapata Quetzalcoatl. Though the names might be smaller, the familial pride isn't, so Mexicans display their heritage every which way you can, cabrón: over their doorsteps, initialized onto ornate belts, stitched into caps and, yes, splayed across windows in giant Olde English font. The same logic applies to stickers referencing Mexican states: pride in your heritage. I swear, gentle readers: Use your cabezas sometimes. Look at American license plates — they usually boast about the beauty of a particular state, correct? So why don't people fuss over that? Right, because those license plates are American — and everything American is not Mexican and therefore bueno.

Dear Mexican,

It's a major talking point of La Raza spokespeople that the current influx of Central American immigrants into the United States represents a reconquering of land that was stolen by the gabachos. Is there any reason to believe that if the stolen Southwest portion of the U.S. had been under Mexican stewardship all along, millions of Mexicans wouldn't be trying to emigrate east instead of north?

Un Poco Loco


Dear Mucho Crazy Gabacho,

Man, what mezcal worms were you chewing on while typing this? Nevertheless, let's try to cut through your pendejadas. If by "La Raza spokespeople" you're referring to the National Council on La Raza (the wabby version of the NAACP), they've gone on the record as having "never supported" or "endors[ing] the notion of a ‘Reconquista' or ‘Aztlán.'" If by "La Raza spokespeople" you're referring to those few stupid Chicanos who believe the current Latino demographic revolution in the American Southwest is divine Aztec justice, remember that their reconquista applies only to Mexicans; we want Guatemalans to stay in Guatemala just like ustedes. But on to your question: the historical speculation you proposed is not only correct, it's already happening. With the conquest of Aztlán complete, Mexicans are moving onto virgin territories in the South and East, aided by the Mexican government's continued ineptitude and by good ol' American capitalism. Don't like this scenario? Then hop onto a plane bound for Cuba and see how far socialism takes you.
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:48 PM   #5
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u racists crystal!
Fack, I've been caught!
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:54 PM   #6
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to much to read to much
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:57 PM   #7
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he is funny enough for a little smirk, but not funny enough to get a laugh, or even a chuckle. :dontknow: Can I get my couple minutes back?
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:00 PM   #8
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he is funny enough for a little smirk, but not funny enough to get a laugh, or even a chuckle. :dontknow: Can I get my couple minutes back?
nope.
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:00 PM   #9
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that was quite hilarious, and I don't think is racist in any conceivable way.
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:10 PM   #10
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he is funny enough for a little smirk, but not funny enough to get a laugh, or even a chuckle. :dontknow: Can I get my couple minutes back?
+1 I barely even smiled at it...
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"And so, this tiny metal deathtrap becomes known as the ultimate form of freedom. Like a steampunk cyborg, man and machine fuse to make a symbol of what you can become when style and speed matter more than safety and efficiency. Is it any wonder that some people just get mad every time they see a motorcycle go by? Because it challenges everything they have, while proving to them that they don’t have enough."
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:30 PM   #11
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to much to read to much
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:31 PM   #12
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Is this from Houston press?
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:43 PM   #13
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haahah, funny *............. for a second there i was like, wait im mexican, wana ask me something ppl....... lol
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:06 PM   #14
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:06 PM   #15
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Is this from Houston press?
Yea, I put the link on the bottom.
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:09 PM   #16
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could we just get a shot of salma's instead?

actually, i have a few questions but i'm gonna get called a racist for asking. i mean, i hate everybody, but i'm sure i'm gonna be called an again.
how about this; i ask a question about mexicans, and someone can ask me a question about irish people? fair?
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:10 PM   #17
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could we just get a shot of salma's instead?

actually, i have a few questions but i'm gonna get called a racist for asking. i mean, i hate everybody, but i'm sure i'm gonna be called an again.
how about this; i ask a question about mexicans, and someone can ask me a question about irish people? fair?
who care about those drunks.........wait, i'm part irish too......yea who cares :dontknow:
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:11 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tz420 View Post
could we just get a shot of salma's instead?

actually, i have a few questions but i'm gonna get called a racist for asking. i mean, i hate everybody, but i'm sure i'm gonna be called an again.
how about this; i ask a question about mexicans, and someone can ask me a question about irish people? fair?
Why are you so worried about what people consider you as? It's just a question.
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:11 PM   #19
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Yes, Houston Press column.
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:21 PM   #20
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ok; why do i see a lot of young mexican men with their head shaved EXCEPT this little long patch the size of a golf ball up front? usually a couple inches long, with har gel in it. they have a full head of hair, so I wondered why the chop job. why? i'm being honest here not trying to be a tool.
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