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Old 02-14-2008, 11:15 AM   #1
FastLine
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Talking VIOLENT HORMONAL FORCES

This is an actual letter from an Austin, Texas woman sent to the
American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine
products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's
PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-
winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's
a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will
adjust
and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a
George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you ****ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of , pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

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Old 02-14-2008, 11:20 AM   #2
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:21 AM   #3
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"And so, this tiny metal deathtrap becomes known as the ultimate form of freedom. Like a steampunk cyborg, man and machine fuse to make a symbol of what you can become when style and speed matter more than safety and efficiency. Is it any wonder that some people just get mad every time they see a motorcycle go by? Because it challenges everything they have, while proving to them that they donít have enough."
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:24 AM   #4
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Thank i don't have those problems...
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:27 AM   #5
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I don't know if it just gets worse as they get older or what, but everyone I have dated say PMS is just an excuse to be pissy. :dontknow:
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:33 AM   #6
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havnt had the rage but been with crazy women all the time , lol funny
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:56 AM   #7
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:44 PM   #8
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Thank I don't PMS like that. That lady scares the outta me!
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:46 PM   #9
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:53 PM   #10
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:53 PM   #11
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HA! That was too funny! I may get a little moody every month, but I don't think I have ever been that bad off! She sounds a little mental.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:58 PM   #12
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I can't wait to share this with my wife. She could very well have written that letter! Unfortunately, she would not find it funny today. Probably would attempt wrapping the keyboard around my head when I walk in the door.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:59 PM   #13
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:06 PM   #14
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:09 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angamico View Post
I can't wait to share this with my wife. She could very well have written that letter! Unfortunately, she would not find it funny today. Probably would attempt wrapping the keyboard around my head when I walk in the door.
You should save this one for when it's ALL over, then she'll laugh and think it's funny!
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:14 PM   #16
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Okay I LOL'd just a little
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:30 PM   #17
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lol......sad but true. I've seen it.
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:33 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cogs69 View Post
I don't know if it just gets worse as they get older or what, but everyone I have dated say PMS is just an excuse to be pissy. :dontknow:

That sounds more like one crazy lady with PMDD!
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