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Old 01-28-2008, 10:36 AM   #1
Grinchy
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Talking A Few Sexist Jokes For The Day..............

What is the difference between a battery and a wife?
A battery has a positive side.


How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.


Why is the space between a woman's and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t@ts in there.


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.


Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told


I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.


Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

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Old 01-28-2008, 10:45 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grinchy View Post
Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.
Britney Spears is trying it.
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Old 01-28-2008, 10:59 AM   #3
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oh oh ..........the woman on this forum are gonna kill you dude................lol
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:09 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sifu-TZ View Post
It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:24 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay View Post
oh oh ..........the woman on this forum are gonna kill you dude................lol
You think I got worries,
you wait till Bill finds out you've been Hilary in a bush up a tree with your ipod tunes on
that still makes me laugh

Hey I've seen the ladies on here post and they can handle it and some
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:34 AM   #6
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:34 AM   #7
lilmckee
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hahahah nice
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Originally Posted by OMEGA View Post
man [mckee] does not exist


where is mckee?
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:37 AM   #8
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I told my wife all these, even she laughed.
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if 100 people tell you that you're a fuhking idiot...odds are your a fuhking idiot.
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:41 AM   #9
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funny stuff right there, I will have to go find some dirt on guys to post up just to even the odds
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Old 01-28-2008, 11:50 AM   #10
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how many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?
still undertermined as it has never happened.

how does a woman excite a man?
show up.

why are there more blind men than women?
you know

why did give woman one of mans ribs?
because they don't have enough back bone.

this is all the man bashing I've gotI love you all
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:11 PM   #11
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User is banned

.
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:16 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cogs69 View Post
I told my wife all these, even she laughed.
Cogs, it's my wife who sends me these.......
and a few about balding overweight men in their 40's.... B*TCH
Milfs FTW
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:19 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ninja nana View Post
how many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?
still undertermined as it has never happened.

how does a woman excite a man?
show up.

why are there more blind men than women?
you know

why did give woman one of mans ribs?
because they don't have enough back bone.

this is all the man bashing I've gotI love you all

Come on ninja nana, let us 'ave it
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:24 PM   #14
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Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.


THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's bonnet.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has with other women so men can watch.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the
upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took
over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing cricket without a box.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend
with the lads.

() n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes
"look bigger."
Male: The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two wheels, or three stooges.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male
bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "" to get women to .
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:24 PM   #15
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I love men i think they are great I love the amusemnet they bring into my life. MEN FOR THE WIN
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:30 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ninja nana View Post
I love men i think they are great I love the amusemnet they bring into my life. MEN FOR THE WIN
Gigglers FTMFW
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:34 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grinchy View Post
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Now thats hilarious
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if 100 people tell you that you're a fuhking idiot...odds are your a fuhking idiot.
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:34 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ninja nana View Post
I love men i think they are great I love the amusemnet they bring into my life. MEN FOR THE WIN
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new
wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Russia, and bragged that he had told
his wife she was going to do all the dishes and cleaning that needed doing at
their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Estonia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an ENGLISH woman. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:37 PM   #19
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Subject: Tetanus shot


The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch; then
starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,
"Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out
of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the are you going?"

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why,
what the do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm
getting a tetanus shot."
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:44 PM   #20
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Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: because they are not called himacanes


THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: the organ between a mans legs.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who is sick of men
Male: A woman who has with other women so men can watch.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: incredibly dangerous during a storm
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took
over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: when a man walks in when she is on the toilet
Male: Playing cricket without a box.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: Telling him no and him saying "yes dear"
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend
with the lads.

() n.
Female: The guys who stand on the corner with a sign instead of getting a job.
Male: The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: something your family does when you've gone nuts.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: riding, raceing, skiing, tubing and fishing. Dayme I sound like a guy.
Male: Anything with one ball, two wheels, or three stooges.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: What a husband does just before he fluffs the covers.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male
bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: something scientists are still trying to formulate.
Male: What men have to call "" to get women to .
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