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Old 01-07-2008, 06:22 PM   #1
04RSVR
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Why Men don't do advice columns- (and other funnies)

Why men do not write advice colums
Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off
for work leaving my husband in the house watching
the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down
the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my
husband's help.

When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was
in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad,
passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34
and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he
went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had
come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd
carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed,
and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately
began thanking him and kissing him and he was
attempting to break free when I came back. But when
I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on,
he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an
affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I
would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says
he has been feeling increasingly depressed and w orthless.
I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the
ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel
I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Usk
__________________________________________________ ___________
Dear Sheila;

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is
clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes
onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves
the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

********************************************
A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite donkey, who was depressed, so he put out a proclamation that he would pay anyone in the kingdom 200 gold pieces if they could make his donkey happy. Many tried, all failed.

Then a jester went in to see the donkey, and when he came out, the donkey was indeed happy - so happy in fact, that he was laughing heartily. The jester got the gold, but a few days passed and the king couldn't make the donkey stop laughing. So he put out another proclamation saying he would pay 500 gold pieces to anyone who could make the donkey stop.

The jester returned, went in to see the donkey for a few seconds, and when he came out, the donkey was crying. The king asked the jester how he did it. The jester said, "I will tell you for another 200 gold pieces."

When the jester had received his gold, he revealed, "On my first visit, I told the donkey that my was bigger than his. This time I showed him."


************************************
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult,
four-hour, surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here
to wash your upper body and feet.
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his in one hand and his testicles in
the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing
wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t s - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

**********************************************


Old Harold

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy,
to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I
called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I
didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error?
What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold.............

***************************************

A man goes to see his doctor as he had a problem with premature ejaculations. The doctor told him that when he feels himself cumin to give himself a fright by firing a gun. The doctor see's the man again and asks how it went. The man replies, not good, we were in the 69 and i felt myself start to , so i fired a gun. The wife in my face, bit the end off my and the milkman came out of the wardrobe with his hands up!
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:23 PM   #2
lilmckee
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lol@the last one
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:33 PM   #3
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:01 PM   #4
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Quote:
Why men do not write advice colums
Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off
for work leaving my husband in the house watching
the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down
the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my
husband's help.

When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was
in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad,
passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34
and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he
went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had
come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd
carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed,
and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately
began thanking him and kissing him and he was
attempting to break free when I came back. But when
I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on,
he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an
affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I
would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says
he has been feeling increasingly depressed and w orthless.
I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the
ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel
I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Usk
__________________________________________________ ___________
Dear Sheila;

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is
clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes
onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves
the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter
Very good
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