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Old 12-08-2007, 10:09 AM   #1
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And they so romance is dead.............

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th wedding anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind ??"
The husband reflectively replied: "All I wanted to do was to f#ck your brains out, and suck your t#ts dry."
Then, as the wife seductively undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now big boy?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:16 AM   #2
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i'm sure this is a true story ?
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:16 AM   #3
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+1

I can't even laugh at this, because it's too close to being right on... Actually a little sad, really.

Even, though, hahahahahahaha! It is a good one.
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:22 AM   #4
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Oh come on now,
with the miracle that is cosmetic surgery, no man should ever feel cheated again
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:23 AM   #5
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Quote:
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Oh come on now,
with the miracle that is cosmetic surgery, no man should ever feel cheated again
In the words of a great and wise man, "You cain't fix stupid"
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:24 AM   #6
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Quote:
"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs." - Alexei Sayle
I’m a little wider these days so I shop at the boutique that caters for the man with the fuller figure called, “Mr Fat B#stard” – Alexei Sayle 1983
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:25 AM   #7
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I love you, Grinchy! What time is it over there? Where do you live, exactly?
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:29 AM   #8
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Quote:
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In the words of a great and wise man, "You cain't fix stupid"
You've over come that !!!!
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:29 AM   #9
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errrrrrrr.. nevermind...
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:29 AM   #10
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I love you, Grinchy! What time is it over there? Where do you live, exactly?
Stop saying that....... you're breaking hearts on here
It's half past four in the afternoon, pitch black, raining.
I'm an Essex boy !!
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:32 AM   #11
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You've over come that !!!!
Ouch
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:32 AM   #12
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Quote:
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Stop saying that....... you're breaking hearts on here
It's half past four in the afternoon, pitch black, raining.
I'm an Essex boy !!
Very cool. Never been myself, but my granddad lives in Scotland- outside of Tain. I love your accent, and I've never even heard it!
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:37 AM   #13
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Very cool. Never been myself, but my granddad lives in Scotland- outside of Tain. I love your accent, and I've never even heard it!
Like I said, you need to get out more
I'm going to post you up a "how to speak Essex" that I've got stored on my hard disc somewhere.
Just in case you visit your Grandad, get lost, take a wrong turn and end up in Essex you understand..........
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:39 AM   #14
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Quote:
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Like I said, you need to get out more
I'm going to post you up a "how to speak Essex" that I've got stored on my hard disc somewhere.
Just in case you visit your Grandad, get lost, take a wrong turn and end up in Essex you understand..........
Not really close or on the way... I'll get out there this summer. I'm going to Poland to do some geochemistry research for school, and I'll be visiting them then... too bad you'll already be here! B
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:50 AM   #15
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How to speak Essex...

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item .

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely
lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna
today, ave you been on sunbed?")

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger

dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit dan in the
maff")

eye-eels - Women's shoes

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I
fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")

Ibeefa - Balearic holiday island

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport newspaper

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a
lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the
world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera,
Eastenders go on holiday

tan - The city of London, the big smoke

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me
dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually
is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:53 PM   #16
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Quote:
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How to speak Essex...

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item .

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")

That's good stuff. I was looking up some Texanisms to help you out and found this link instead. Americanisms with some Texanisms included.

http://board.dogbomb.co.uk/archive/i...p/t-20509.html

Not surprising that 'your' people don't like our way of speaking very much.
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:54 PM   #17
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Quote:
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That's good stuff. I was looking up some Texanisms to help you out and found this link instead. Americanisms with some Texanisms included.

http://board.dogbomb.co.uk/archive/i...p/t-20509.html

Not surprising that 'your' people don't like our way of speaking very much.



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Old 12-09-2007, 04:25 AM   #18
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That's good stuff. I was looking up some Texanisms to help you out and found this link instead. Americanisms with some Texanisms included.

http://board.dogbomb.co.uk/archive/i...p/t-20509.html

Not surprising that 'your' people don't like our way of speaking very much.
Thanks ArturoC,
We’re learning Americanisms by watching as much Jerry Springer as we can right now !!!
What evverrrrrrrrrrr !!
Talk to the hand !!!
Do what I gotta do !!
Get my groove on !! is that right ??
You're naaaaaasty !!
Trifling hoe !!
Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve………
It’s an education, I take notes now.

What I can’t get used to is how many American women find out there guy is cheating, attack the “other” woman and fight over who’s taking him home !!!!!!!! WTF ???
It's a good country for a guy
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Old 12-09-2007, 04:36 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grinchy View Post
Thanks ArturoC,
We’re learning Americanisms by watching as much Jerry Springer as we can right now !!!

What I can’t get used to is how many American women find out there guy is cheating, attack the “other” woman and fight over who’s taking him home !!!!!!!! WTF ???
It's a good country for a guy


A few Texanisms

Fixin' ta - I am about to ...
Jeet yet - Have you eaten?
Gimme a hollar - Contact me/call me
Raise that winder down - Open the window if it's closed. Close it if it's open
Coke? - Coke refers to any and all brands of sodas.

ex.
Me: Would you like a coke?
You: Sure, thanks
Me: What kind?
You: Didn't you just ask me if I wanted a Coke?
me: Yes.
You: I said IYes, would like one.
Me: I know, and I asked you what kind you wanted.
... this may or may not end up in a physical altercation depending on the mood of the Texan. Don't push it. Just says Coke again if you actually want a Coca Cola, or tell 'em the brand you actually want.
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