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Old 09-20-2007, 03:40 PM   #1
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This will make you laugh.

Stolen from another forum.

(it's a review of a body cleansing product)

Quote:
Last week I took a full dose of the Total Body Rapid Cleanse. I had been partying hard for about a month and decided I needed to clean up my act. (You know how it goes some months, what with hanging with the guys and staying up all night drinking and then limping into work the next day--- it can leave a guy feeling sorta sideways.) Anyway, what ultimately happened was that I spent three hours cleaning up my bathroom and trying to calm down my dog.

Let me explain---I have never done one of these cleanses before and I thought I would just shoot an extra or two and be done with it. I followed the directions and took the stuff just as I was supposed to. Then about 9:00 at night just before Survivor was starting on TV, I started feeling like I had to go #2, so I figure, heck, I can just drop a klunker during the commercials and be back before Jessica gets all up in Rocky's face and one of them gets voted off the island.

So I'm setting there on the can watching the clock and tapping my foot, thinking, darn it, I'm gonna miss the part where they catch you up on what happened last week when much to my surprise, my stomach starts roiling and gurgling and I thought I was going to drop an oversized log---but as I sat there, preparing to pinch a humongous loaf, I heard the sound of rolling thunder coming from my and I swear, I crapped out something that looked like my dachshund Tobie. Thank my lucky stars, he was outside the bathroom door barking furiously and didn't get chance to see it or who knows what might have happened. I sat there for a few minutes riding out the storm and swaying like a drunken sailor, until everything seemed to calm down.

Thinking there couldn't possibly be anything else left in my bowels, I stood up to flush and much to my surprise I squirted out another gigantic . I mean it was a monster, (with the consistency of Cream of Wheat) and exploded from my buttocks with such a force that it propelled me forward and I hit my head on the edge of the sink and went down like a sack of nickels. I regained consciousness lying on the tile surrounded by a pool of stool about size of the Quabbin Reservoir. Lurching to my feet I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It looked like I had just gone ten rounds in a mud wrestling match. You can imagine the smell!

The damage control took me about three hours with a mop and a can of Lysol to put things right. Needless to say, I missed Survivor--- but soaking in a nice hot tub after the cleanup, I reflected on my experience and came to the conclusion that despite all the tribulations, it was the best dumper I had ever taken and I feel about ten pounds lighter. I would HIGHLY recommend this product and next time I intend to bring along a six pack make a Saturday night of it. Five Stars!!!"
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:53 PM   #2
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:55 PM   #3
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:58 PM   #4
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Old 09-20-2007, 04:19 PM   #5
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cream of wheat!

hahaa
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Old 09-20-2007, 04:40 PM   #6
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Old 09-20-2007, 04:47 PM   #7
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Man i love a good
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 09-20-2007, 07:58 PM   #8
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HOLY CHIT!!!
:r ofl:
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Old 09-20-2007, 08:10 PM   #9
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Yea it is still funny!!!
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Old 09-20-2007, 08:16 PM   #10
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LMAO... who in their right mind would admit to something like this?!?!
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Old 09-20-2007, 08:18 PM   #11
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Im gonna try that . I want to feel ten pounds lighter!

but I don't pooh on myself and knock myself out. :/:
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Old 09-20-2007, 08:20 PM   #12
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I drank half a bottle of exlax on the night before I shipped out for basic training.

I crapped all night long. We showed up to MEPS at 4am and I was on a plane by 1pm. That was Jan-17-02. I didnt again until Jan 24. After eating three square meals a day for a week, I crapped an infant. Ever since then I've had a tender .
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Old 09-20-2007, 09:05 PM   #13
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Quote:
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Ever since then I've had a tender .
Did you go to bootcamp or the county jail?!?!
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Old 09-20-2007, 09:11 PM   #14
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Did you go to bootcamp or the county jail?!?!
Ever had your puuussshhhheeeed iiiiiiiin?
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Old 09-20-2007, 09:24 PM   #15
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Ever had your puuussshhhheeeed iiiiiiiin?
Bend over and touch your toes...Im gonna show you where the wild goose goes.
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Old 09-20-2007, 10:19 PM   #16
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Old 09-20-2007, 10:26 PM   #17
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:30 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cornbread View Post
I drank half a bottle of exlax on the night before I shipped out for basic training.

I crapped all night long. We showed up to MEPS at 4am and I was on a plane by 1pm. That was Jan-17-02. I didnt again until Jan 24. After eating three square meals a day for a week, I crapped an infant. Ever since then I've had a tender .
It's all that corn bread you be eating mayn!
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:49 AM   #19
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:15 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cornbread View Post
Ever had your puuussshhhheeeed iiiiiiiin?
I want your cocktail... Fruit!! (half-baked)



Nasty Nate.... mark of the beast!!!
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