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Old 07-19-2007, 05:34 PM   #1
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Joke of the day

Subject: FW: Elderly Foreplay

>
>The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets
>her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and

>putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.
>The second old woman thought that this was a great idea, so that night
>when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got
>totally naked and began the process of putting her legs behind her
head.
>The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit
>arthritic. However, she finally got it in place.
>She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself

>backwards until she finally got it behind her head.
>However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped
>slightly backwards and got stuck with her sticking straight up in
>the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
>"Gladys!" he exclaimed." For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your
>teeth in .... You look like an a$$hole."
>
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Old 07-19-2007, 05:39 PM   #2
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this old man and old woman had been maried for 70 years and had been sleeping in seperate rooms for 20 years. On the old mans birthday his 65 year old son gave his dad a so when the old couple got home the old man asked the old woman if she wanted to try it out, she agreed and said she would get ready. The old man didn't know what to expect since they had not seen each other naked in 20 years so he waited. She came around the doorway stark naked and he said "honey what is that hair between your "? She replied " that's my pu$$y you "
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Old 07-19-2007, 05:41 PM   #3
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:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 07-19-2007, 05:43 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gixxer Geezer
:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6
i liked your too
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Old 07-19-2007, 05:52 PM   #5
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no onje else has any jokes?
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:36 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by melissa claire View Post
Busa club. why did you not mention that? that makes things all nice and peachy
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength-
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:39 PM   #7
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geez... I just looked at my calender and realized it was



NoFear dredge up the dusty thread day!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:41 PM   #8
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Woman wakes up one morning and finds her husband is not in bed with her. So she walks around the house looking for him and finds him crying in the basement. She asks what's wrong.

He replied, "Do you remember 10 years ago your dad the judge found us having and said that I would either have to marry you or go to jail? Well, I would have gotten out today."
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:41 PM   #9
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Old 12-21-2007, 03:59 PM   #10
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A bear and a rabbit take a in the forest together. Bear asks the rabbit “Hey, do you have problems with sticking to your fur?”

Rabbit replies, “No, I do not!”

So the bear wiped his with the rabbit!
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Old 12-21-2007, 04:00 PM   #11
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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Old 12-21-2007, 04:30 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demonseed View Post
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
:/:
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Old 12-21-2007, 04:44 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demonseed View Post
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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Old 12-21-2007, 05:26 PM   #14
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Lets Go Fishing



At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that
they both loved to fish.



Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure.




They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"



All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !




When they finished, the man couldn't believe
what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best that he'd had in years.




They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river.


He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"


There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.




This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day.




She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"




The woman replied, "Down."



A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady,"Up or down ?"




She replied, "Up."



This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

"What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"




She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were


f**k or drown."
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Old 12-21-2007, 05:33 PM   #15
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TWO CAJUNS ON A BUS

A rather prim and proper woman is riding the Greyhound bus from Shreveport to New Orleans. It's been a long day and she's bored. She knows it's not right but she decides to listen to the two Cajun men sitting behind her.

Cajun #1: "Naw, naw, naw! How many time I gotta tell ya! First, Emma ...din I ...din da 2 , dey ...din I agin..."

Cajun #2: "That's ain't how I learnt it!"

Well, Miss Prim & Proper is thinking, "Oh, my Lord!". She tries to tune them out, but is unsuccessful.

Cajun #1: "Igit, shad-up and lemme splain! First, Emma ...din I ...din da 2 , dey ...din I agin...din da 2 , dey agin..."

Cajun #2: "And din what?"

Cajun #1: "Din I agin..."

Well, Miss Prim & Proper just can't take it anymore. She turns around in her seat to set the Cajuns straight. Lady: "Sirs, obviously your parents failed to teach you that it is highly improper to discuss such matters in public! I must insist that you cease this foul discussion immediately!"

Cajun #2: "Lady, we ain't tawkin 'bout no birds."

Cajun #1: "I reckon yer Paw never tawt ya to mind yer own bidness, Lady." Then he turns to Cajun #2 and says, "Ferget her, Tee, and lissen. I got dis rite. I know I do: Emma first...din I ...din da 2 , dey ...din I agin...din da 2 , dey agin...din here I agin...din da peepee ... din I one mo time!"

Lady: "That is disgusting and most inappropriate!"

Cajun #2: "Alright, Lady, how do YOU spell Mississippi?"
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Old 12-21-2007, 05:37 PM   #16
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ok since everyone loved my first two jokes:/: here's another one

Two old fishermen were sitting on a bridge catching a few crappies when a hearse went by. The first man put down his rod and removed his hat. After the hearse was gone his friend said "Bill that was real nice showing respect for the dead like that". To which Bill replied "It was the least I could do, we would have been married 40 years next month".
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Old 12-21-2007, 05:37 PM   #17
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[QUOTE=texlurch;915266]Lets Go Fishing



At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that
they both loved to fish.



Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure.




They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"



All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !




When they finished, the man couldn't believe
what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best that he'd had in years.




They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river.


He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"


There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.




This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day.




She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"




The woman replied, "Down."



A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady,"Up or down ?"




She replied, "Up."



This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

"What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"




She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were


f**k or drown."



hahahahahahahaahahAA
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Old 12-21-2007, 07:00 PM   #18
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Last one....


THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an
Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they
could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly
alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
(fireworks are legal in
Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS),
then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the
shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Missouri , West Virginia and Washington , DC


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Old 12-22-2007, 02:35 AM   #19
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hahahahahaa
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Old 12-22-2007, 02:48 AM   #20
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lol or drown hahahaha
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