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Old 06-05-2007, 09:28 AM   #1
Brena23
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For all you dads out there...

Probably a repost but oh well!

10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to , I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

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Old 06-05-2007, 09:34 AM   #2
BrutusTx
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Most of that does NOT work................
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:35 AM   #3
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good one,
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:37 AM   #4
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all you gotta do is show them the shotgun and a badge and say, they won't put me in jail. i've heard of that working
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:38 AM   #5
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awsome
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:40 AM   #6
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This goes for my grand daughter also... I am watching you. :angry1:
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What part of "I Don't Care", Don't you Understand?
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:41 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrutusTx
Most of that does NOT work................



Your right when your dad is 6'5" and weighs close to 300 lbs and muscular... Guys are to scared to come to the house :laughing6 Oh the good old days of high school
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If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

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Old 06-05-2007, 09:42 AM   #8
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that my friends is why i dont want a daughter
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:45 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherub
that my friends is why i dont want a daughter
No you don't......PITA for the rest of your life.
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Old 06-05-2007, 10:29 AM   #10
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User is banned

.
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Old 06-05-2007, 10:56 AM   #11
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'Preciate it Brena....(something to look forward to I guess)
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:09 AM   #12
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We need to creat a pact here at Motohouston, a network of concerned Dads and friends so to speak. If any one of our daughters or sisters get's hurt in anyway, the word goes out with a full discription of the rat , and if any one of us sees him, we'll beat the out the guy.

Or if we see them on a date, to be sure to stop and say hello ... sort of a "I'm watching you ... so hands of my buddy's little girl!"

It may not take a village ... but an angry mob will do just fine.
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:21 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logan5

It may not take a village ... but an angry mob will do just fine.

Im in.
I told my wife when we found out we were having a girl," She can't date 'til she's forty and she can't have 'til I'm dead".
Now she's 14 and I think she may be plotting my early demise.
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:36 AM   #14
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thanks i have a son.
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Mucus Membrane!
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:38 AM   #15
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boy's would be way easyer cuz if i had a daughter i would be like this fo sho.
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:44 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherub
that my friends is why i dont want a daughter

I know this thread is for guys, but I am with you. I don't want girls!!
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Old 06-05-2007, 12:04 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalBystal
I know this thread is for guys, but I am with you. I don't want girls!!
With boys you just have to worry about one peepee with girls you have you worry about every one elses little peepees.
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 06-05-2007, 12:05 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherub
With boys you just have to worry about one peepee with girls you have you worry about every one elses little peepees.
hahahaha like yours
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Old 06-05-2007, 12:05 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no mercy f4i
hahahaha like yours
:eh: :icon_bigg
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 06-05-2007, 12:07 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalBystal
I know this thread is for guys, but I am with you. I don't want girls!!

I am with you on that one girl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kibitzer View Post
If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

Satan ButtNuggets Mothernugget
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