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Old 05-16-2007, 02:21 PM   #41
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:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 When I was 5 or 6 years old I was at Blockbuster and I felt bad from my stomach I thought it was just a fart so I pushed then all of a suden there it goes I ted my pants! I stunk up the whole store it felt nasty in my pants all squishy and stuff. I had to ride in the back of the truck casuse it stunk so bad!!! :laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:22 PM   #42
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so do girl's poops smell worst than a guy's poo?
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:25 PM   #43
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so do girl's poops smell worst than a guy's poo?
What???? That's just absurd!!! Everyone knows girls don't !
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:30 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jus10
What???? That's just absurd!!! Everyone knows girls don't !
AND THATS HOW ID LIKE TO KEEP IT
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Old 05-16-2007, 02:34 PM   #45
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Quote:
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:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 When I was 5 or 6 years old I was at Blockbuster and I felt bad from my stomach I thought it was just a fart so I pushed then all of a suden there it goes I ted my pants! I stunk up the whole store it felt nasty in my pants all squishy and stuff. I had to ride in the back of the truck casuse it stunk so bad!!! :laughing6 :laughing6

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Old 05-16-2007, 03:04 PM   #46
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I just got done chittin':laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:07 PM   #47
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something like this:laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:09 PM   #48
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i have a safe haven
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:11 PM   #49
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I'll go at work no problem, but other public places....no thx.
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:13 PM   #50
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check this out

I think it's cool. Like a bidet without having an extra fixture.
www.rearadmiral.com.au

sample lg
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:17 PM   #51
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Last year I was coming home from a chinese buffet and I will not take a sh*t in a public restroom. Well I must of ate something bad or something cause my stomach started hurting and bubbling up so bad. My friend Josh was with me so I told him we had to leave and go home. We were about 10 miles or so from home, started going and about 2 miles from the houses I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to pull over and stand up and hold it as best as I could or else I was going to sh*t my pants. Josh was laughing his azz off cause I couldn't wait another 5 minutes to get home. My face was turning colors and you could hear my stomach growling and sh*t about 10 feet away. Well Getting into my neighborhood I was running all the stop signs and made it to the toliet just in time.

but standing on the side of the road, I almost dumped it all!!!!!

thats my sh**ty story. :laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:22 PM   #52
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since we are coming clean, I was 7-8 and need to go bad, well my sister and I had been fighting earlier. She was in the bathroom and I told her I need to go, that was my mistake, she stayed in there untill I crapped my pants.
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:29 PM   #53
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i was in JC Penney's with my mom when i was 5, told her i needed to go and she told me to wait. she looks at a few more clothes, turns around, and i was dropping one right in the middle of the walkway!!
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:37 PM   #54
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CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it camefrom. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing.Walk in and check for
other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.

FREQUENT FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If
you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.
If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This
can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks
in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does
not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see
an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite . This
will reduce the odds of a pooer of your entering the bathroom.

BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Burglars that you
are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo
in peace.

WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE
A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the Toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted
makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait
to poo when the bathroom is empty.This benefits you as well as the other
bathroom attendees.
Now THAT is fcukin' hilarious...n so true, 'specially the ESCAPEE :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 Oh n the JAILBREAK :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:37 PM   #55
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LOL
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:47 PM   #56
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LoL Driving to San Antonio my dad told me he had to t and I asked him if he wanted me to pull over and he said no that's he'd be alright. Sure enough like 10 minutes later he couldn't hold it anymore and we pulled and over and he ran like I've never seen a 40+ yr old run to the trees. His face was priceless. lol memories
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Old 05-16-2007, 03:52 PM   #57
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LoL Driving to San Antonio my dad told me he had to t and I asked him if he wanted me to pull over and he said no that's he'd be alright. Sure enough like 10 minutes later he couldn't hold it anymore and we pulled and over and he ran like I've never seen a 40+ yr old run to the trees. His face was priceless. lol memories

:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 05-16-2007, 04:18 PM   #58
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When I used to wait tables we used to fog or 'crop dust' our sections if we had -headed customers.

One morning a couple of really bitchy West U housewives came in 30 minutes before we opened, so I figured I'd start 'em off with an 'appetizer.'

As they were the only table, the restaurant was pretty quiet, so I walked over to a table that was adjacent to theirs, and stood with my back to them pretending to polish silverware. I'd told the other waiters what I was gonna serve up and with all of them watching from the back of the restaurant I guess I had a little performance anxiety.

I had intended to just give a little silent "something to think about" but I guess I tried a little too hard because I finally just ripped one.

In the middle of their conversation.

From about three feet away.

That put an immediate halt to their little brunch chat.

I guess I was a little too embarassed, because if I was really keen, I woulda turned around afterward and proclaimed,

DINNER IS SERVED!
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Old 05-16-2007, 04:19 PM   #59
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My favorite expression for having to real bad is,

's honking to pass!
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Old 05-16-2007, 04:20 PM   #60
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Oh, and I really like the expression

Turtlehead

for when you just can't hold it all in.
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