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Old 08-16-2014, 11:13 PM   #1
Track_Graphics
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Scooter Rider Down in The Dreaded Home Depot Parking Lot

Just walked out of Home Depot and this little India guy came buzzing past us on his bronze and black Suzuki scoot. He had on a helmet, yellow -not strapped. The strap was blowing in the wind. The guy had no scense of fashion.
My very first impression was, "Geeze guy, slow down, it's a parking lot." I should have yelled it rather than just thinking it.

30 yards later - "BOINK!!" A lifted pickup pulled out right into the guy. Helmet still looked pretty good though. Landed about 30 feet away sitting upright with the strap out to the side. I didn't see any damage, thank .

Meanwhile, Mr. India guy was motionless on the concrete, pool of beet juice growing on the concrete under his brain bone. A bunch of other people were already 911ing so I ran into the store and grabbed a pillow that was in the clearance area because I was feeling kinda sleepy and wanted a nap, but there was a popo in the parking lot and he was jiffy on the scene so I just put the pillow under India's head.

He, Mr. India, came too and wanted to get up (drip, drip, drip). The officer got him to lay back on the pillow and tried to keep him flat out. My son's military training kinda kicked in, but he didn't want to interfere with Deputy Barney Fife, but he really should have had a knee up and an arm across the chest (semantics). The ambulance was there in about 15 minutes. I left when they rolled in.

The storal of the mory is: If you want your helmet to survive a crash, the best thing is to never strap it on. You can also ask my son about that. Took him over a year to get his short term memory back too. Yeah, just let your much more fragile and less valuable coconut take the crushing blow so you don't need to buy a new one. Hey, it's a good way to save $200, right?
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:17 AM   #2
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Quite possibly the most entertaining thing I have read tonight. Good thing the helmet was ok... (i guess?)
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Old 08-17-2014, 09:12 AM   #3
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Wouldn't want to look uncool on your scooter...
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:27 AM   #4
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While I appreciate the entertaining read, I feel compelled to point out the obvious. You cannot get killed on a scooter. Everyone knows that. Motorcycles are dangerous, but scooters are cool, hip, warm and fuzzy transport. The universe knows this, and goes easy on them and those who ride them. The laws of physics apply differently.

College age girls and hipsters in skinny jeans are free to roam the roads with wanton abandon with the knowledge that they aren't on a motorcycle, and are therefore exempt from all of the bad things that can happen. Plus, have you seen what a helmet does to your hairstyle? Should you actually own and wear one (just in case your Mom sees your out about town - you ARE still living in her basement after all), maintain your sense of cool and retain the acknowledgement of your scooter exemption to natural law by not fastening it. It's all covered in the code of scooter style and usage.
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That which did not kill me has only made me a lot more stiff and sore the rest of the time.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:37 AM   #5
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Im never going to die on a grom/scooter bring it on.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:55 AM   #6
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So what you're saying is that if I were to ride a SP I could never actually be a suicide bomber, right?
Because in reality, then I could blow myself up thousands of times but really never blow myself up?
So as in the laws of physics were matter and antimatter cannot exist together in any state, suicide bombers riding SPs can not actually exist together in any state either.
My question would be, in a reality like this what happens to the helmet and the strap?
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Old 08-17-2014, 11:07 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CCH View Post
While I appreciate the entertaining read, I feel compelled to point out the obvious. You cannot get killed on a scooter. Everyone knows that. Motorcycles are dangerous, but scooters are cool, hip, warm and fuzzy transport. The universe knows this, and goes easy on them and those who ride them. The laws of physics apply differently.

College age girls and hipsters in skinny jeans are free to roam the roads with wanton abandon with the knowledge that they aren't on a motorcycle, and are therefore exempt from all of the bad things that can happen. Plus, have you seen what a helmet does to your hairstyle? Should you actually own and wear one (just in case your Mom sees your out about town - you ARE still living in her basement after all), maintain your sense of cool and retain the acknowledgement of your scooter exemption to natural law by not fastening it. It's all covered in the code of scooter style and usage.
Oh you can die on a scooter alright.
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Old 08-17-2014, 11:24 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Track_Graphics View Post
So what you're saying is that if I were to ride a SP I could never actually be a suicide bomber, right?
Because in reality, then I could blow myself up thousands of times but really never blow myself up?
So as in the laws of physics were matter and antimatter cannot exist together in any state, suicide bombers riding SPs can not actually exist together in any state either.
My question would be, in a reality like this what happens to the helmet and the strap?
YES! exactly.

In regard to what happens to the helmet and strap (and any other apparel or accessories that you may be wearing such as a robe, shemagh or turban), I'm sad to report that they are generally destroyed during the process.

This is believed to be a result of the whole equal and opposite reaction physics thingie coupled with the idea that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. In order for the bomber to live, the energy that would have normally effectively divided his or her mass into high velocity pink mist and meat missles is redirected only to the clothing so as to keep everything in balance and not cause too much imbalance in the universe. Imbalance is believed to be undesirable and some physicists theorize that it could lead to bad things like disruptions in Earth's orbit, significant tidal shifts and/or more Justin Bieber albums.
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That which did not kill me has only made me a lot more stiff and sore the rest of the time.
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Old 08-17-2014, 12:43 PM   #9
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Huhuh, Meat Missile...
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Old 08-17-2014, 03:11 PM   #10
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Huhuh, Meat Missile...
Yeah, Tesla and Einstein used to debate meat missile theory all the time. That's why Einstein's theory was more widely accepted. Tesla INSISTED the the "M" in e=MC˛ was for "M"eat missile. And obiously we all know that had Tesla been right we truly would have had more Justin Bieber albums released. Otherwise, I like the guy. He invented a pretty cool electric car too.

All theories considered, if you're going to wear a helmet - strap it. Also saw a guy riding a GSXR to work last week with high top leather workboots, unlaced....

BUT - I did almost dump my bike that same day at a traffic light because when I stopped, the loop in my lace got hooked on the rearset bracket and I couldn't put my foot down. Actually broke the lace right after I myself in the panic of being helpless - caught it just in time. So - maybe the guy had a similar previous experience.... still . . . . hmmmm
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:38 PM   #11
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:41 AM   #12
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Great story... I'd like to learn more about the below - what's the reason for the knee up & arm across the chest? I've seen it done in one of those wonderful 'bad guy gets knocked out' Youtube videos, but don't understand the benefit.

<----- (tried to enlist 30 years ago, got rejected)

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My son's military training kinda kicked in, but he didn't want to interfere with Deputy Barney Fife, but he really should have had a knee up and an arm across the chest (semantics).
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Old 08-18-2014, 12:43 PM   #13
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Great story... I'd like to learn more about the below - what's the reason for the knee up & arm across the chest? I've seen it done in one of those wonderful 'bad guy gets knocked out' Youtube videos, but don't understand the benefit.

<----- (tried to enlist 30 years ago, got rejected)
Raising the knee (or both if the hurt person is stable- not going to roll down a hill or something) helps blood to get back to the brain. If you can only raise one knee you're supposed to put the opposite arm across the chest for the same reason.

BUT - all kinds of different training tell you to do conflicting things.

Personally, sometimes I'd like to throw a bucket of freezing ice water on them and yell in their face. "YOU IDIOT ! WHY DIDN'T YOU STRAP YER BRAIN BUCKET ON AND WHY THE 773H WERE YOU GOING SO FAST!?!?!?!?!?"

5 seconds later I'm over it and wanna do anything to help.
Anyone need a pillow?


I'm not really too good at being a first responder. You're supposed to be kind and helpful. Sometimes I think it's better to let the stoopit run out onto the ground for a while.... First thing I feel is getting angry at them for being stoopit. Unless it's Squoddybody. Always dreamed of finding her far out in the country in the cool eveing air with moonlight and ........ nevermind... yer just a bunch of pervs anyway....
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Old 08-18-2014, 12:59 PM   #14
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Old 08-18-2014, 01:35 PM   #15
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Old 08-18-2014, 01:58 PM   #16
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Interesting I haven't even considered any gear yet due to the heat and the fact that I am typically going at a slow pace. So far so good and I do have coverage for any accidents with my gold card insurance plan.
Based on your signature, you should be fine! It wouldn't be protecting all that much anyway.
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Old 08-18-2014, 02:11 PM   #17
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Old 08-18-2014, 02:35 PM   #18
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Old 08-18-2014, 02:44 PM   #19
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You can break a whole helluva lot going <40mph, especially if you're talking no helmet. Not to mention a drunk driver can smash you at a stop.
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Old 08-18-2014, 02:56 PM   #20
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