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Old 05-15-2007, 08:50 PM   #1
Crystalline
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I have a funny joke... That's actually funny!!

ONE MAN'S STORY...

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I
decided it
would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and
made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified
herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing
and swim wear.

My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it
when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was
something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my
pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra
aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted
her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was
encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a
FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she
put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer
or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My
chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout
with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room.
She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine
which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little
cheer leading . If there were a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my
triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
floor, don't hand me the *&%# barbells or anything that weighs more than a
sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the other ), will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
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Old 05-15-2007, 08:57 PM   #2
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:eh: it was ok
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Old 05-15-2007, 08:57 PM   #3
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:laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 05-15-2007, 09:10 PM   #4
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cliffs notes?
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Old 05-15-2007, 09:10 PM   #5
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wife buys guy a week at the gym...
guy thinks trainer is hot and thankful for wife giving him the week
end of week guy HATES trainer and his wife!
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If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

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Old 05-15-2007, 09:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by F4i amber
:laughing6 :laughing6


+83272384726387 This had me laughing before I could eve finish it!!
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Old 05-15-2007, 09:30 PM   #7
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...thanks for the flashbacks and nightmares that Im sure are going to start again...


























:-)
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Old 05-15-2007, 09:35 PM   #8
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Crystal......
Nevermind
I like it!

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July 25, 1977 - April 22, 2007
You will be missed.
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:06 PM   #9
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OMG crystal thats too fing long to be funny
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:19 PM   #10
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to long
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:45 PM   #11
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Ya'll are just too lazy to read.... Geez.
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:46 PM   #12
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i read it... to long to be funny
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Originally Posted by kibitzer View Post
If I hate you because you're a stupid then I just hate you. If I hate you because you're a specific skin color then I'm a racist. It really is that simple.

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Old 05-15-2007, 10:47 PM   #13
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i read it and thought it was funny, but i know someone that's been there!!! i heard almost that exact story!!
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Its the stupidity. It gets added to our forum in normal and controlled doses which actually serves to the benefit of the website.
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:49 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A303
Crystal......
Nevermind
I like it!


WHAT WILL!?
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Old 05-15-2007, 10:52 PM   #15
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man i went back and read it and nope not funny
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:10 PM   #16
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too long to read, what about those other 53 pages yall read today, yep to long though. lol .
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:11 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maskale
too long to read, what about those other 53 pages yall read today, yep to long though. lol .
now that t was funny!!
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:27 PM   #18
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not bad and the long thread is in fact really fun
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:21 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azylum
cliffs notes?
word. i checked the length and started reading replies for the short version or some context clues as to why it was so funny.....
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Old 05-16-2007, 07:33 AM   #20
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Crystal i ban you from telling joke you suxors
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It makes me cry, but real tears not the ones out of my like usual.
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