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Old 04-19-2007, 06:47 AM   #1
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MAN LAWS

just so everyone here knows the official man laws

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
After wrecking your boss's car.
When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's deliv ered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

Yeah, Baby, Push it!
C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey , the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you love d me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29. We've all heard about people having guts or . But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the and having the to say, "You're next!
We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd

if this is a repost dont shoot me
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:42 AM   #2
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:laughing6 Those are good.

Here's one more for ya.

Man shall never find himself more comfortable in a shopping mall than a forest.
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:43 AM   #3
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The one that someone always has to break, me off.....

5 urinals in a row, all empty except the one im using, guy comes in and goes to the one next to you, wtf?
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:22 AM   #4
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AMEN.
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:11 AM   #5
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:15 AM   #6
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:20 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A303
The one that someone always has to break, me off.....

5 urinals in a row, all empty except the one im using, guy comes in and goes to the one next to you, wtf?
thats when you "accidentally" on their shoes. bet they wont do that again.
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:25 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A303
The one that someone always has to break, me off.....

5 urinals in a row, all empty except the one im using, guy comes in and goes to the one next to you, wtf?

and then they wanna talk.
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:46 PM   #9
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:laughing6 :laughing6 :laughing6

Good ones there, repost or not.
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:47 PM   #10
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:17 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maskale
and then they wanna talk.

Yeah that is not cool at all, talk about uncomfortable
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A303
The one that someone always has to break, me off.....

5 urinals in a row, all empty except the one im using, guy comes in and goes to the one next to you, wtf?
yeah, i know, that drives me nuts too :icon_bigg
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:08 PM   #13
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Who enforces the man law?
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:11 PM   #14
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Who enforces the man law?
real men!!!
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:16 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arturo3rd
real men!!!
Hmm.. That seems like it should be against the man law. Shouldn't real men be paying attention to the women, and not the other men?
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:17 PM   #16
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Quote:
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Hmm.. That seems like it should be against the man law. Shouldn't real men be paying attention to the women, and not the other men?
no. real men have women pay attention to them.
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Old 04-19-2007, 03:28 PM   #17
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I got it Nihaikitty
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Old 04-22-2007, 11:47 PM   #18
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Quote:
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Yeah that is not cool at all, talk about uncomfortable
Next time lean over and say "That's a nice size to have." That usually shuts them right the eff up.........or you end up in an even more uncomfortable situation.
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Old 04-22-2007, 11:59 PM   #19
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so what do you do if they compliment YOU in return?
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:34 AM   #20
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Run away. or not just run cuz I don't swing that way (not that there's anything wrong with that.) :confused2
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