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Old 01-29-2007, 01:03 AM   #1
infidel
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rant on craigslist

Rant: To the morons I encounter everyday

Date: 2007-01-15, 5:46PM CST


To the morons I encounter everyday-

1. To the old lady in line in front of me at Target who smells like cat : Please don't pay for $25 worth of with a bag of change to only find out you're $2.55 short. Also, don't ask the cashier to re-count it. He already had more patience than I would have to count all those freaking pennies the first time around. How hard is it to go to the bank a block down the road to cash all of that in and pay with cash like normal people? I know they do it, I've seen it.

2. To the people at Rainbow who can't seem to figure out how to use the self checkouts: Jesus H. I've watched 7 year olds do it without any issues. Scan your , place it on the scale, and insert money. They even have directions in numerous places on how to use it.

3. The dude who absolutely has to do his scratch offs on the counter when he buys them at the gas station. Is your gambling addiction that bad that you can't get the **** out of the way and scratch them off? You lose twice if you win and ask for more, while holding up the line even longer.

4. The jackasses at the gas station that just walk in and hand the cashier $20 for gas regardless of the line. Yes I know it is a pain that you have to prepay for gas, but there's a simple concept called a line. Wait your turn.

5. To the fat women who can't control your kids in the grocery store: Control your kids for 's sake. I seriously question your parenting skills when your kids feel the need to chase around the entire store knocking off all over the place and running into my legs while you sit there and laugh your fat off.

6. To the people who bring their 2 year olds to nice resteraunts: I understand baby-sitters can be expensive and kids can be hard to handle sometimes, but don't bring screaming kids to a nice restrunt and just sit there while they pitch a fit. I would like to be able to finish my steak without rupturing my eardrums. Also, don't give me a look when I give you one. You know you're in the wrong.

7. Related to number 6, the people who bring their kids to rated R movies at 11pm. Myself and the 40 other people in the theater would like to enjoy the movie instead of listening to your kid scream. Take the little out of the theater. Why are they there in the first place? Most kids are put to bed before 10pm anyways. Get a babysitter you cheap ****. And again, don't get all pissy when people tell you to shut your kid up or give you bad looks.

8. To the dude who lives on the other side of my duplex: Quit being a . You can do some of the yard work and snow shoveling as well. Also, get your washing machine fixed. It sounds like you're working on a tank in the basement. If you don't wanna get it fixed, at least stop washing your clothes at 5am. The ****ing floor shakes. If you continue, I'll start drumming at 2am or blast the loudest, most foul death metal I own until you stop.

The next time you lock me outside, I'll in a box and mail it to you. If you hear me go outside (there's no way you can't) and see me in the backyard, don't shut and lock the door.

Please stop telling my friends that I'm not home when they knock on the door. I'm ****ing here, or they wouldn't be coming over. It isn't like I can't hear you talking to them before I open my door. I'll tell your pot dealer the next time he knocks that you don't live here anymore.

Stop opening my mail if you accidentally get it. How hard is it to read a label?

Clean out your cat's litter box. I can smell that from the hallway. On that thought, what in the are you cooking over there? It smells like burnt Indian food.

Quit accusing me of ****ing up your computer to our landlord. Do you seriously believe I broke into your side of the house, ran upstairs, turned on your computer, and screwed up all of your passwords all in a period of 2 minutes while you were in the basement? Jesus Christ. Ray Charles could see through that . Grow the **** up, you're like 55.

9. To the who keep trying to break into my garage: **** you. There isn't anything of interest in there anyway, unless you want a shovel or a rake. Get a job like normal people. I hope someone shoots you when you break into the wrong garage or house. If you feel the need to steal something out of there, take my neighbors . His stuff is on the left side of the garage.

10. To the high schooler douche bags who drive like on the highway: Your rice burner looks like , at least paint your mod parts when you put them on your car. Please stop riding my when I'm already going 85mph, I'll just go slower when you pull that . I hope you crash into a retaining wall.

11. To the bible thumpers who harass people outside of metal concerts: Go do something productive, like volunteering at a food shelter. No one there wants to hear you drone on about how we're all going to for listening to metal. You're just making normal Christians look bad. I'll steal your bible next time and carve satanic symbols into it.

12. To the ****tards that beat your wives/girlfriends: Its painfully obvious when you're walking around a store with a girl who has 2 black eyes while you yell at her for everything she puts in the cart. You'll get your turn one day.

13. To the group home for slutty teen girls that is across the alley from my house: Stop parking your huge vans in front of my driveway. It takes me 10 minutes to try and back my car out without hitting something. Also, quit blocking the alley with said vans. Other people need to use the ****ing road.

14. To the jackasses with large vehicles/SUV's: There is enough room in a parking space to place your vehicle without putting it 2 inches from my door. I'll key your truck the next time I have to crawl into my car from the passenger side.

15. To the people who stop in the middle of the road in front of Target to let your wives/girlfriends into the car. Its a nice thing to do, but if you have 2 carts worth of to load up, do it without stopping traffic.

16. To the people who don't understand how 4 way stop signs work: Who the taught you how to drive? Don't honk your horn at me when you cut me off and throw me the finger.

17. To the people who get at the cashier when their credit card is rejected: You obviously have finance issues if all 15 of your credit cards get rejected. It isn't the cashier's fault.

18. To the underage girls at the liquor store: Don't get all uppity when the cashier asks for your ID when you try and buy some flavored Vodka. You're obviously not 21. The whole "I forgot my ID, can I just buy it anyway" shtick isn't a new concept. Be more inventive than that, I figured it out. Plus, don't ask me to go back in and buy it for you when you get kicked out. Most people weren’t born yesterday.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:16 AM   #2
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hahaha....that's great. i've thought about all those things more than once.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:19 AM   #3
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TO THE WOMAN WHO IS BLOWING MY BOSS



Don't call and immediately ask "Who is this?" Who am I? I'm the same receptionist who has answered the phone the past 8 times you've tried to reach him. Who are YOU? You're the one who is calling me. Say your name, why you are calling and if you're polite, I may transfer you. If I feel like it.

Don't say that I don't need to know why you're calling. By now you should have realized that he will only answer the phone if he knows who is calling and the reason why they are calling. If he doesn't feel like dealing with you at that particularly moment, get over it.

Don't call "to talk." I know you're friends are impressed that you're giving sloppy to a 40-something executive a few days per week, but he can't be at your beck and call 24/7. There's the 11:00 meeting. Then lunch. Then the 2:00 meeting. Then a meeting at 4:00 to tell them other executives what happened at the 11:00 and 2:00 meetings. If he doesn't even have time to yell at me for hanging up on you (which you swore he would), then he doesn't have time to talk.

Don't pester me as to why he didn't return your 2:30 phone call. It's probably because he knows you'll call again at 3:30. And he won't return that call either.

Don't make small talk. "How are you?" "How is your day going?" Receptionists hate this . You're the 159th person who has called the office today. How am I? I'm annoyed that I had to pick up the phone 159 times only to hear people grumble about how so-and-so hasn't returned their phone calls or e-mails. Get in line. Your message is number 31 on his voicemail. Also, I really don't care how your day is going.

Don't try to be my friend. There is nothing a receptionist detests more than someone with verbal diarrhea. "Does he still love me? We haven't had in a week. Is anyone else calling his office besides me? Is he going to buy my flowers? Does he talk to you about me? What does he say?" Shut the **** up. The only thing I'm thinking about is when I can go on break because I've had to pee for the past 10 minutes. When you ramble I don't listen to a single world you say.

Don't give me your phone number and ask him to call you. I have caller ID. I know your work, house, cell phone numbers and when I see them on the caller ID, I simply groan, "I hate it when this idiot calls."
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Old 01-29-2007, 02:45 AM   #4
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:55 AM   #5
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And stop calling me at work!!!!
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:57 AM   #6
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Whoever wrote the little piece has some real issues. I understand his point, and laugh at a few as well, but that much built up anger/hatred is unhealthy. I thought i was short tempered, looks like i'm not so bad after all.
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:15 AM   #7
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#4, #6 .... Guilty
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:26 AM   #8
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Ever see the movie "Falling Down" with Micheal Douglas?

His rant may be a release to avoid him going "postal".

Believe me, I can relate to some of the things this guy is saying and more.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I do, but anyone who has ever worked retail can relate to some of the stories I can tell.

Sometimes by the end of the day after dealing with some of the people I have to deal with, I feel like a wolverine with a toothache. :laughing6
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:57 AM   #9
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Falling Down kicked !!! I know what you mean Patrick, and it gets old!!
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Old 01-29-2007, 11:06 AM   #10
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Hahahaha.......Falling Down is AWESOME!!!! Guy actually makes alot of sense in that movie.
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Old 01-29-2007, 12:30 PM   #11
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lol. "we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30, sir."

haha
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Old 01-29-2007, 12:35 PM   #12
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i met a guy from craigslist during lunch, he bought a little radio i had for 5$ that guy hands me 5$ in quaters... WTF? he said " you might wanna count it" what a wack job!

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