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Old 07-17-2012, 07:17 AM   #1
lucydad
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Wink bucket list Houston drivers...

MH,

Submitted for your amusement and ponderment...please keep a sense of humor.

Driving in Houston the past 12 years has given me much time and experience categorizing vehicles and drivers. Riding a motorcycle has sharpened my observations though. May I offer below some of my “buckets” and comments?

--“normals” or good old Norm: predictable drivers, run just above speed limits, courteous, anticipate events, common sense, mature, allow other vehicles to pass and enter, follow rules of the road, often recently washed late model cars

--“blockers”: most often these are very large commercial trucks in packs, one is trying to pass the other at 50 mph in a 70 zone for about a half-hour and parallel, all traffic is clogged behind and to sides, special merit categories go to trash trucks and cement trucks spewing residue behind them, weather----inevitably attract screamers as mentioned below and Norms…

--“lawn crews”: a sub-category of blockers, often slower and more erratic, trailering hand built platforms jammed with lawnmowers, one tire is always flat and the others bald, tail lights never work—usually with workers in the bed of trucks, weave erratically and trails of branches, leaves, rakes and occasional weed-whackers left bouncing on freeways, often in packs, sub-category are trucks with aluminum ladders held to the cab with twine or informal household moves with small couches, appliances and kids toys falling out of the truck bed

--“cracks”: souped up and modified two door Hondas or Toyotas, lowered, high flow exhaust, tinted windows, waving loaded semi-auto 9mm pistol out window, extremely unpredictable, delivering the goods while flying high, cut in front and then slow to “make point”, sometimes seen in flames on side of road after a cocktail gone bad

--“creepers”: Toyota Prius is the type model or older Ford Taurus, drive 50 in a 70 in the left or exit lane, slowly wander lane and never use blinkers, look for various leftist political stickers, creep down exits at 30 mph and merge freeways at 20 mph , can be granny on the way to play bridge and drink scotch with the girls, politically correct

--“screamers”: very often travel in pairs or even threes: erratic, hostile and very fast, inevitably dodge across multiple lanes of traffic at 30 mph+ above speed limits, instantly appear in rear view mirror flashing lights, sometimes tagged by law enforcement with rollers on, enter and exit freeways at 40 mph above limits, never let any other traffic merge

--“glommers”: insist on sucking up to your bumper despite lots of room to pass, love to read the fine print on stickers and like to push others, frequently “dually” trucks carrying hay to across Houston or screamers trying to jam ahead

--“Dukes”: from Duke of New York—Black pimp-mobiles cruising for action, large flashy wire wheels with gold knock off hubs on thin tires, lowered body, always a custom paint job and dark tinted windows, add-on hood ornament mandatory, seen mostly at night but rarely in suburbs

--“Barbie’s”: teenage girls in a new convertible white Mustang, age average 17, talk-talk-talk with each other, stereo on full blast with Justin Bieber music, cell phones out multi-tasking and texting, applying lipstick and mascara and checking mirror, oblivious to all other traffic, intersections, lights, stop signs and parental authority, call daddy’s lawyer if there is a problem

--“teeners”: four teenage boys in an old beat up truck, age average 18, silent but secretly drinking a six pack of tall-boys their big brother snuck them from college, stereo on full blast with country tunes, attracted to mud holes, would have Easy Rider rifle rack if they could afford it and get a 30-30, adjusting belt buckles or muscle shirts and flexing biceps in mirror to impress the Barbie’s, often following Barbie’s, oblivious to all other traffic, intersections, lights, stop signs and parental authority, call uncle Jake if there is a problem, have temper tantrums and bursts of speed when challenged, leave trails of empty fast food containers and beer bottles

--“mommas”: Dodge Caravan extended or Chevy Suburban, carrying pack of girl scouts or soccer team, always late for everything, big hurry, applying mascara, talking on cell phone, stereo on jazz station, weave and erratic off-ramp turns across three lanes of traffic common, usually carrying two small poodles on lap—one hanging out the open window barking, answer cell phones and text replies to daughter at college, spill coffee mug and drive with knee while lecturing 10 year olds on how properly apply makeup


And so you have it. This morning I encountered Norms, blockers, a creeper, a glommer and a momma. The Dukes are not seen early in the morning and the teeners are all sleeping, but I think I spotted some teeners.

Be careful out there!
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:25 AM   #2
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Meh...

Rarely do I encounter a 'lawn crew' in the fast lane.... for me, these annoying bastards blocking the road in residential neighborhoods. They don't bother to even attempt to pull to side of the road, they block the whole lane. Often it's almost a gymkhana event between then, joggers, bicycles and oncoming vehicular traffic.

There's simply 'blockers' the idiot that parks their in the fast lane regardless of how many cars have to change lanes to get around them. Quite often flapping their gums on, or otherwise dicking around with a cell phone. This has been a variety of vehicle/drive types.. male, female, trucks, vans...sedans..nice and not so nice.
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:37 AM   #3
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good read,...thanks for sharing! (chuckle)
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:46 AM   #4
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Ulric,

Right you are...lawn crews parked on corners half way into the street--blowing grass and unable to hear and not looking....college students home on break parked everywhere, the teener's trucks parked askew and of course rampaging brown box delivery trucks flying through cul-de-sacs...a true suburbia gauntlet for the bike rider to carefully navigate...throw in a random squirrel who just bought from the crack-mobile....get ready to swerve and brake: pucker city for me
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:47 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucydad View Post
MH,

Submitted for your amusement and ponderment...please keep a sense of humor.
Post of the month!
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Old 07-17-2012, 11:14 AM   #6
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I love it!good english learning exercise for me.
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Old 07-17-2012, 11:21 AM   #7
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Valentina,

Actually it is a pretty rough draft...putting to words thoughts rolling around my mind while riding and driving...but thanks! I have been thinking of writing a similar piece on Houston motorcycle riders....stay safe!
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Old 07-17-2012, 11:23 AM   #8
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Yeah I know what u mean...believe me the place I am coming from is much worse when it comes to drivers...here is still relaxing for me....
Of course there are crazy drivers...here too, but generally...peaceful...
Let me know when u wanna come to ride in Budapest I will take you
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Old 07-17-2012, 01:25 PM   #9
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Hahaha.

Last year during my delivery days before I got my bike I was minding my own business at 60mph in the second to right hand most lane to avoid merging traffic. I got glommer barbie on my . Refusing to change lanes to pass.

She started motioning me to change lanes over and over while stuck to my bumper for about 2 and a half minutes. I had had enough and let the cruise off down to 50 MPH and then sped up to 60 again. She immediately closed the gap.

She continued this and then started pointing a gun at me through her windshield. I slowed down a few times more her gun still pointed straight at me.

A few more minutes and several hundred passing opportunities later she finally changed lanes to go around me. This whole time I'm just singing away minding my own. She frantically moved in front of me and slammed her brakes.

In one swift move I signalled looked over my shoulder and passed her in the next lane still singing and rather enjoying the show.

Infuriated, she sped away.

F***ing women.
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Old 07-17-2012, 02:21 PM   #10
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and then there are the women drivers... completely unpredictable
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Old 07-17-2012, 11:12 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xtelevisionset View Post
Hahaha.

Last year during my delivery days before I got my bike I was minding my own business at 60mph in the second to right hand most lane to avoid merging traffic. I got glommer barbie on my . Refusing to change lanes to pass.

She started motioning me to change lanes over and over while stuck to my bumper for about 2 and a half minutes. I had had enough and let the cruise off down to 50 MPH and then sped up to 60 again. She immediately closed the gap.

She continued this and then started pointing a gun at me through her windshield. I slowed down a few times more her gun still pointed straight at me.

A few more minutes and several hundred passing opportunities later she finally changed lanes to go around me. This whole time I'm just singing away minding my own. She frantically moved in front of me and slammed her brakes.

In one swift move I signalled looked over my shoulder and passed her in the next lane still singing and rather enjoying the show.

Infuriated, she sped away.

F***ing women.

P-M-S Some drivers are just retarded. The thought of them having a gun appalls me.


I moved to Texas 2 years ago, and I'm still amazed that 90% of the population in Houston don't understand the concept of drive right, pass left. People driving 50 mph in the left-most lane on I-10.. that's my pet peeve.
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Old 07-18-2012, 03:47 AM   #12
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User is banned

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Last edited by Fastola; 07-18-2012 at 03:48 AM. Reason: I was laughn my off when i saw this. It was seriously funny.
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:06 AM   #13
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Just started commuting on iten to work a couple months back after I moved and though I'm getting used to it now, at first every few minutes I was 'wtf?!'
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:45 AM   #14
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I am a woman and yeah I agree, I hate women drivers...they are horrible...
But the girls on bike know what they are doing, so please dont generalise...
Each woman are individual ok?!thank you-oh i dont have a gun, so no worries
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Old 07-18-2012, 09:49 AM   #15
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Don't forget the all new catagory "Baby Mack". You know, those folks with the tuned 4x4 diesel trucks with exhaust stacks in the bed. They are the new "ricer". Sure, some may be quick, but I still can't get over how proud they are of all of the black smoke they dump out every chance they get. I did get a chuckle from seeing what could have been a nice blue Dodge covered in soot from those pipes.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:15 AM   #16
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Post of the month!
I agree good post
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