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Old 04-02-2011, 05:51 PM   #1
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The Cager List

*** This is just a lighthearted list; no offense to those others on four wheels; SAFETY is encouraged at all times ***

THE ENFORCER: They are die-hard dedicated to following the law at all times - to the point that they will intentionally pull in front of faster traffic and drive the speed limit on-the-dot.

THE DOOR-WARMER: (a.k.a. "The Buddy") Named after the way puppies will pile up for warmth, they like to stay right beside people. Usually more of a "herding instinct" than intentional. On their own they may drive at normal speeds; when they get alongside a slower moving vehicle (esp larger ones, like trucks) they will slow down and match the other vehicle's speed - resulting in a rolling roadblock. Likewise when others attempt to pass they will speed up and again match speed with the faster vehicle.

THE CLAUSTROPHOBIC: Oppsite of the door-warmer, they don't like to be close to other vehicles. While maintaining a reasonable distance between one's vehicle and others is a fundamental of safe travelling, in this case the claustrophobic does not combine this with attention to- and/or courtesy for others. Indications include erratic lane changes and sudden changes in speed. Desire to not be behind one vehicle causes them to jump in front of others, and likewise desire not to be beside one causes them to slow down unexpectedly.

THE WILTED FLY-CATCHER: Wrists are placed on the steering wheel at the 11-and-1 positions with hands dangling loosely over. Mouth is gaping open, as if to catch insects. Drivers are almost exclusively geriatric. While their poor grip is not inherently dangerous, their posture is a warning sign of other potential driving habits which are. Their greatest threat is to motorcyclists with full-face helmets, as the ensuing laughter can fog the inside of one's visor and reduce visibility.

THE POLITICIAN: Promises change and doesn't deliver. Turns on turn signal, does a head check, signal is still on...

...signal is still on...

...and on...

...still going...

... I don't think... wait, yes... no... he's drifting over... almost there buddy... and slowly getting back over... another head check... signal is still on... are you?!... guess not.

THE 5 O'CLOCK SLUSH: No matter what, they have to be going 5-10 miles an hour slower than the rest of the speed of traffic. This habit probably begins when driving in urban areas where most traffic goes 5 or 10 over. Said driver does not seem to acknowledge that when congestion reduces the average speed within the flow of traffic to 35 miles an hour on a freeway, this isn't speeding, as the sign will continue to post a limit of 65. Nonetheless said driver will slow to 25, until such time traffic congestion further reduces average flow of traffic to 25 mph in which case the 5 o'clock slush will drive 15.

THE PRISONER: Trapped behind signal bars. Yes, as in the kind you find on a cell phone. Driving habits are erratic and unpredictable. Frequently moves slower than other traffic and often exhibits door-warming tendencies. Can usually be relied on for little to no attention span and delayed reactions. Generally regarded as the most dangerous driver.


Comments and continuations welcome
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Old 04-02-2011, 05:57 PM   #2
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Old 04-02-2011, 08:04 PM   #3
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Old 04-02-2011, 08:54 PM   #4
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Quote:
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I hate the ones that drive slow in the fast lane the most!!!!!! MOVE YOUR !
+1
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Old 04-02-2011, 09:24 PM   #5
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I hate the ones that think they are being clever by "blocking" you

I mean its not like we cant just split the cars if we get too annoyed.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:13 PM   #6
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Going off that list I'm the claustrophobic. I don't usually change lanes erratically though. Well, not in the car. . . on the bike anything goes.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:24 PM   #7
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Old 04-03-2011, 04:24 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perf_White_GT View Post
I hate the ones that think they are being clever by "blocking" you

I mean its not like we cant just split the cars if we get too annoyed.

When I do get annoyed and split, it feels really good to me for some reason. LOL.
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Old 04-03-2011, 05:05 AM   #9
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The prisoner- get your head out of your & off the phone.
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Old 04-03-2011, 06:25 AM   #10
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Need to add those who SLOW DOWN TO MERGE onto the highway.
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Old 04-03-2011, 01:25 PM   #11
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Or those in the far left or right lane and swerve to the complete opposite at any given moment
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Old 04-03-2011, 02:09 PM   #12
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Quote:
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Need to add those who SLOW DOWN TO MERGE onto the highway.
+1

here in the valley they don't slow down at merges though, THEY STOP!!!!!
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Old 04-03-2011, 02:57 PM   #13
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Nice write up a lot like your crash thread. Good stuff man
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Old 04-04-2011, 12:01 AM   #14
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Nice write up a lot like your crash thread. Good stuff man
Woo-hoo... I gots a fan

Quote:
Need to add those who SLOW DOWN TO MERGE onto the highway.
My Grandma didn't get a driver's license until about retirement age... she got rear-ended THREE times trying to get on the freeway because she came to a complete stop at the end of the entrance ramp. I nearly ate the back of an old woman's car one time b/c of this... good thing I give extra following distance behind people on entrance ramps especially with white hair (thx grannie, I learned).

Would it be considered vandalization of public property to add street signs which the state needs to but doesn't? How tempting it would be to stretch banners across the interstates with arrows labelling FAST LANE and SLOW LANE over the l & r. Or the picture sign for merging lanes instead of the "lane ends merge right" signs that people clearly never read.
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:41 AM   #15
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THE 40 YARD DASH - The driver that waits until the last possible moment to get in the lane for the exit ramp. He/she tries to do it in 40 yards or less. The most notable sign of this driving technique is the little fact that they usually do it from the far left lane or second to the far left in an attempt to get the the right side exit, regardless of the traffic that is currently around them. It may be an overwhelming thought for them to start getting over a mile or two before the exit. This is usually coupled with the PRISONER as he's paying more attention to the text message he just received vs his destination or THE WILTED FLY-CATCHER. But at times has been see with THE POLITICIAN or the THE 5 O'CLOCK SLUSH as they are clueless the they simplest of driving techniques, this may be to advanced and forward thinking for them.
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