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Old 08-27-2006, 12:01 AM   #1
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Old 08-27-2006, 12:03 AM   #2
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Old 08-27-2006, 12:05 AM   #3
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Old 08-27-2006, 12:14 AM   #4
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that dude got f***** up.. it now i want to fight. but with my pillows. later ya'll nice meetin some of the new guys out there. later..
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Old 08-27-2006, 01:18 AM   #5
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so what happened.......stupid mother****er's in S. Antonio must not like the UFC cause the Hooters that I went to didn't show the fight. And the BW3's was charging a $10 fee to watch........wtf
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Old 08-28-2006, 10:25 PM   #6
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YEAH...YOU CAN'T FU{K WITH ME!!!
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Old 08-28-2006, 10:30 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeetJoeAsian
YEAH...YOU CAN'T FU{K WITH ME!!!
you're silly Chuck!!!
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women just make it so hard to get... why can't you be like dogs, we walk up, sniff your , if we like it we get it right then and there!!!
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Old 08-28-2006, 10:32 PM   #8
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you're silly Chuck!!!
and...and....and you're a gurl...
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Old 08-29-2006, 12:20 PM   #9
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can't f*ck with Chuck Norris either!!!!

this is why!!

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with
ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those
listed
in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
fist.
12. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
14. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and
could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
15. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris
out. It failed misserably.
16. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse
kicks
you in the face.
17. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted
he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday
of
the month.
19. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
20. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having with his waitress.
21. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.
22. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and
the butter comes straight out.
23. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
24. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs
to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be
the Magnolia.
27. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of
a plane and punched the ground.
28. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video
game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to
do
a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
"That's no
glitch."
29. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely
based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
30. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger,
by yelling, "Bang!"
31. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's
atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000
degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and
still
owes him a beer.
32. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the
worst mistake anyone has ever made.
34. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a
Chucktatorship.
35. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
was
six feet tall and had learned karate.
36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
37. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg
uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how
quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
38. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven
seconds.
39. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
40. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will
roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the
REAL
roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
41. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
42. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving
multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in
this
one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck
Norris
roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as
Stephen
Hawking.
43. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization
4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined
nations of
the world in one turn.
44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
45. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
46. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the
American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a
roundhouse
kick to the face.
47. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
48. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
49. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more
testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
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Old 08-29-2006, 12:20 PM   #10
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50. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift
of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise
men
were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and
arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after
of
mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
51. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
52. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He
holds up the phone and money falls out.
53. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him
there was a stripper in it.
54. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten
to different shades of black and blue.
55. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers
are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is
dark
red.
56. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of
execution in 16 states.
57. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
58. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer
steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season
home run king.
59. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big
Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
60. Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
61. When Chuck Norris has with a man, it won't be because he is gay.
It will be because he has run out of women.
62. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck
Norris? ...All of it.
63. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble
themselves out of fear.
64. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even
larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
"Norrisized".

65. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
66. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of
Australia for 44 minutes.
67. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood
and
tears.
68. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each
action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal
in
reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
69. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called
Chuck-Will-Kill.
70. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
71. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

72. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it
became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized
from
his autobiography.
73. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck
Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
74. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in
his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
75. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to
go around.
76. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
77. For some, the left is larger than the right one. For Chuck
Norris, each is larger than the other one.
78. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will
score a 1600.
79. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
80. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One
roundhouse kick to the face.
81. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the
1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of
Jail
Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from
the
game UNO.
82. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be
thrown into the sun.
83. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
84. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris
throws down!
85. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse
kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story
of
the universe.
86. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
87. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water
with his own rage.
88. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the
year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
89. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
90. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly
destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
91. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his kicked" you will
generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
92. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and
the othe nine faint.
93. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an
island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode
tape
has been burned.
94. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
95. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in
real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will
find
you and kill you.
96. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
97. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around
people. He walks through them
98. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However,
upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a
documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
99. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
100. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean
section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
101. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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Old 08-29-2006, 12:23 PM   #11
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Old 08-29-2006, 12:30 PM   #12
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hahahaha. chuck norris is the man! he has walker and texas ranger to thank for that lol
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Old 08-29-2006, 12:31 PM   #13
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cha cha cha
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Old 08-29-2006, 07:16 PM   #14
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whats with that norris thing?
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Old 08-29-2006, 07:20 PM   #15
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Fcukin Chuck Norris!! hahaha
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Old 08-29-2006, 07:27 PM   #16
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Quote:
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cha cha cha

Your so gay Los.
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