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Old 08-18-2006, 09:25 AM   #1
Swift E
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1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a

6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget
about the headache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You
only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should,
use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when
you might need them to empty your bedpan.
I'll keep my freedom, my guns and my money and you can keep The Change!
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Old 08-18-2006, 09:28 AM   #2
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I has no bike :(
'14 Polaris 550 touring

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7. In your body, air goes in and out, blood goes round and round. Any variation of the two is bad news.
Originally Posted by Helios View Post
We need a subforum for bentgixxer's threads alone.
We'll call it Corpsefish and Horsenuts.
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