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Old 06-12-2006, 03:39 PM   #1
elemental2
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Who needs a laugh???

What is intelligence?
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ?intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
:laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 06-12-2006, 03:40 PM   #2
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weak. lol
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Old 06-12-2006, 03:40 PM   #3
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aww aight
Devil: Hey, why are you bumming out?

Man: If you died and went to , youíd be bumming out too.

Devil: isnít what you think it is. It's fun down here. Say, do you drink?

Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?

Devil: Well, youíre gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. , we have whiskey, tequila, rum, vodka, all the booze you want to drink. We drink Ďtil we puke then we drink more.

Man: AhÖ that sounds great.

Devil: Do you smoke?

Man: right I do.

Devil: Cool! Youíre gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You donít have to worry about getting cancer because youíre already dead anyway.

Man: No way!

Devil: You like gambling?

Man: yeah!

Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in . We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, horse racing, you name it, we got it, and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.

Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.

Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?

Man: I love getting stoned! You mean...

Devil: Thatís right man, because on Thursdays, itís stoner night here in ! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you donít have to worry about overdosing because youíre already dead anyhow.

Man: Awesome! I never thought was one swinging place!

Devil: Are you gay?

Man: Uh, no.

Devil: Oooh, youíre gonna hate Fridays!
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Old 06-12-2006, 03:41 PM   #4
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Old 06-12-2006, 03:42 PM   #5
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1 more

Giving sad news to a troop
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted or Beethoven composed music He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, "Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well..."



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Old 06-12-2006, 03:43 PM   #6
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LOL cant resist

Watermelons
3 guys, an American, a Canadian, and a Mexican have been on the road for days and were starving. Seeing a farm, with hundreds of fruits they run up to the fruit baskets and start gobbeling as much as they can. Just then, the Farmer comes out and says: "Ok, I'm in a good mood today, so I won't kill you...instead, you must stuff 100 of your favorite fruits up your but...WITHOUT laughing...." So, the American is up first. He choses cherries and reaches 78 before bursting out laughing. The farmer then shoots him. Next is the Canadian who chooses grapes. He reaches 93 but starts laughing so the farmer has to kill him too. When the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed. They both replied, "We saw the Mexican with watermelons."

:laughing6 :icon_bigg
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If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted or Beethoven composed music He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, "Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well..."



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Old 06-12-2006, 09:08 PM   #7
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NOW that was weak, i know the original version of that one, it's like a trillion times funnier.
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Old 06-12-2006, 09:27 PM   #8
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The first was week, but the last two got a laugh out of me...thanx
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Old 06-12-2006, 09:37 PM   #9
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the second was funny
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