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Old 06-06-2006, 11:58 AM   #1
elemental2
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2 more funny ones

A Christian Deed

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.

He triped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.

Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."


:icon_bigg :laughing6




How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and
Southerners?


Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children.

Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You
are carrying a Glock .40, with a full clip, and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?




Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the
kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an
appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and
what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it
possible he'd be happy with killing just me? Does he definitely want to kill
me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We
need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few
days and try to come to a consensus.


Conservative Answer:

BANG!



Southerner's Answer :

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
rackety-click...(sounds of reloading).
Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"
Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
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Don't take life to seriously; no one gets out alive.
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:00 PM   #2
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lol the bear still ate his ... thats cute
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:12 PM   #3
fuknrobert
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Old 06-06-2006, 12:44 PM   #4
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right !!!
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Old 06-06-2006, 07:17 PM   #5
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Old 06-06-2006, 07:22 PM   #6
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