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Old 05-24-2006, 03:16 PM   #1
TxVrod
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Ireland Declares War On France?

Jacques Chirac, the French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "Theez eez indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there's meself, me cousin Sean, me next-door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorrah!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would zat be, Paddy?" asks Chirac.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" exclaims Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners".
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:20 PM   #2
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:20 PM   #3
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Haha
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:23 PM   #4
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That's fookin hilarious, it is
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:24 PM   #5
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That was waaaay too long for an "France surrenders" joke. :eh:
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Last edited by ArturoC; 05-24-2006 at 03:25 PM. Reason: France not "I"
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:24 PM   #6
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Ok, but I still let out a small.. 'heh'
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:25 PM   #7
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Quote:
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That was waaaay too long for an "I surrender" joke. :eh:
Ya, it was.
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Old 05-24-2006, 03:45 PM   #8
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I smiled and smirked.
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:37 PM   #9
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not bad..
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:41 PM   #10
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:04 PM   #11
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^^ dude, you sig is funny
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:30 PM   #12
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+ ...sig
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:31 PM   #13
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hahaha! that was pretty good.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:41 PM   #14
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User is banned

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Old 05-24-2006, 06:16 PM   #15
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All that reading for the last line! Still mildly funny!
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Old 05-24-2006, 06:35 PM   #16
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I laughed.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:15 PM   #17
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I guffawed
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:20 PM   #18
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you what?? that sounded painful.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:35 PM   #19
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^^ dude, you sig is funny
+10 to the sig that was wortht he read lol....
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:37 PM   #20
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+1 high lite of this whole thread was Jose's sig.........
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