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Old 05-16-2006, 01:06 AM   #1
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a few jokes

Little Johnny walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

Johnny goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

Little Johnny smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the mailman usually get bucked off!"

Finding Little Johnny making faces at the other kids on the school playground, his teacher stopped to gently reprove him. Smiling sweetly, she said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned."


Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Johnny’s teacher asks her class to think of a word and explain it to the class. When Johnny’s turn comes up he proudly shouts out “Masturbation!”

Shocked Johnny’s teacher says “Why Johnny, that’s sure a mouthful”

“Oh no miss you are thinking of a , I’m talking about doing it by hand”
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, " thing must be an hour fast
A horse and a rabbit are friends. One day they're walking through the woods and the horse falls into some quicksand and starts to sink. The rabbit runs for help, and comes across a man with a convertible red Corvette.

"Help me! My friend the horse has fallen into quicksand!" he yells. The man drives his Corvette to the edge of the quicksand, throws the horse a rope, ties it to his bumper, and pulls the horse to safety.

The next week, the horse and rabbit are walking through the woods again, and the rabbit falls into the quicksand.

"Help! Go find that guy with the Corvette!" he yells.

"No, there's no time for that!" says the horse, and he stretches himself across the quicksand puddle and extends his . The rabbit grabs his and is thus dragged to safety.

And the moral of the story is...

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a convertible red Corvette
Originally Posted by Helios View Post
We need a subforum for bentgixxer's threads alone.
We'll call it Corpsefish and Horsenuts.
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Old 05-16-2006, 01:19 AM   #2
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^^ lol the last one = funny
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Old 05-16-2006, 01:59 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by bentgixxer
im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 05-16-2006, 05:19 AM   #4
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Old 05-16-2006, 06:32 AM   #5
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"I get a total charge out of inspiring others to follow their dreams and not to fear change. Embrace it. Realize that money isn't the end-all, be-all. What is important, what really has value, is Time. As motorcyclists, we all face increased risks on the road, and on the track. Do something with your time; don't have a bag full of regrets when the train comes to a stop. "
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