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Old 04-26-2006, 03:33 PM   #1
ArturoC
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Men Vs. Women (again)

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but! my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."





UNDERSTANDING WOMEN


(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.




MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?




CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.







WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."






W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"



WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"



The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving eachother the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00


AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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Old 04-26-2006, 03:51 PM   #2
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Old 04-26-2006, 05:33 PM   #3
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Long but funny.
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Old 04-26-2006, 06:21 PM   #4
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good ones
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Old 04-26-2006, 08:25 PM   #5
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women are crazy, I tell ya.
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Old 04-26-2006, 08:30 PM   #6
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i realized last night that everyone is crazy... it's amazing.

everyone listens to voices in their heads, but not everyone realizes how crazy they are.

okay... you for example, reading this. right now you're listening to a voice that's reading this, that's you agreeing with yourself. but what happens when you disagree with yourself? that's the other voice in your head... see
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 04-27-2006, 11:53 AM   #7
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lol... nice!!!

women>men
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Old 04-27-2006, 12:14 PM   #8
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Old 04-28-2006, 03:08 AM   #9
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User is banned

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Old 04-28-2006, 03:38 AM   #10
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:laughing6
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Old 04-28-2006, 06:42 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuknrobert
i realized last night that everyone is crazy... it's amazing.

everyone listens to voices in their heads, but not everyone realizes how crazy they are.

okay... you for example, reading this. right now you're listening to a voice that's reading this, that's you agreeing with yourself. but what happens when you disagree with yourself? that's the other voice in your head... see
getting lonely in Afghanistan are we???
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Old 04-28-2006, 06:54 AM   #12
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i watched that movie revolver, it tripped me out and had me thinking

awesome movie lol
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 04-28-2006, 06:55 AM   #13
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i don't even know why it was called revolver... but it was good
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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