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Old 04-14-2006, 03:06 AM   #1
bentgixxer
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you ever wish you could forget? ( lyrically graphic )

this has been bugging me lately, it happened a few years ago, but it resurfaced for some reason, and i cant get it out of my head.

a few years ago, i was a captain in the volunteer fire dept im in now. We were dispatched to a car accident involving a rollover. well, i was the first person there ( from the FD ) and i found several people doing cpr on a little girl about 7-8 yrs old ( she was ejected from the van, and it rolled on top of her, passer-by's lifted the van off her ). being the only " official " onscene i work my way in to help. it was and always will be the worst thing ive ever seen in my life. other folks had put a towel over her face, i figured to stop the bleeding. but the towel was there holding her face together. after i peeled it back, i saw half a face, and grey matter coming out of her forehead. she should have been dead, but she was still breathing on her own, and had a pulse. which means we had to work her. i can look at stuff online, and videos and such, and it doesnt bother me. but this does. the other night, i went out drinking with some friends. i remember getting home about 4 am, then waking up in the morning. i checked my computer, and had messages from a lady friend, asking what did i mean " im sorry i couldnt save you " and some other stuff. i totally blacked out, and wrote some wierd . i dont know if its job stress lately, but i cant get it out of my mind now. ive seen dead people before, found a guy that had been dead for a week and a half in his house with no A/C. that was nothing. i just cant get this girl out of my mind. every time i pass the intersection it happened at, i think about it. i dont know, maybe just venting on here will help, since i never really talk about it. hopefully it does.

okay sob story over.
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Old 04-14-2006, 03:16 AM   #2
fuknrobert
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a friend of mine and i once found a 13 year old girl stuffed in a drainage ditch. we were sitting on the ditch for about 1 hour before we realized what the smell was. i still remember the way she was laying there.

therapy helps.
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 04-14-2006, 03:22 AM   #3
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some things are not meant to be forgotten.
When I was a teen 4 buddies were at J.T.'s house skippin school and J.T. brought out his dads shotgun and as he placed it down the thing went off and blew his head off!!! I mean one second he is there and the next he is gone...we ran outta there so fast. cops knockin on our doors and big mess for weeks. Had dreams about it for years...talked to counselers in the beginning but that only helped my parents. I still think about it- but now I use it as a tool for educating young ones about gun safety and such. If someone had done that for J.T. maybe he would still be here. My little brother was sitting right next to him . What if it had been him??? Just hard to put things like that outta your head . Dont let it eat you up inside. Good luck, dude.
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Old 04-14-2006, 03:25 AM   #4
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oh i wish i had pictures to show to parents what can happen if they dont buckle their kids up. i imagine the shock value of that would convince people to never forget, or say, hey i live right down the street. cause they lived a block over and it happened to them.
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:31 AM   #5
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jrock i love those tiddies in ur sig :-)
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:50 AM   #6
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bent, post-traumatic stress, you originally internalized it and now it's coming back to be dealt with. Funny how the human brain works sometimes.
In all seriousness, ask to see the dept. counselor, or talk with someone. Most of us that have been in situations like that, whether it be something like that or combat induced, have to deal with what it does to our psyche. Ignoring it does not make it go away.

Patrick
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Old 04-14-2006, 05:22 AM   #7
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Patrick, you're so good with words :-)
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Old 04-14-2006, 07:54 AM   #8
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Old 04-14-2006, 08:55 AM   #9
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Well, I can certainly comment on this subject. When you have a situation that is traumatic like this, you will see it turn up time and time again. I do fine on most days but there isn't a day that goes by in which I don't have a "moment". I try to not let it get the best of me and sometimes it does. There are so many things that run through a mind. Things that trigger off memories. Like this thread is doing to me right now. I have to stop typing because I can't see through the tears anymore.
Pause...






Life is seriously hard. Sometimes I sit and wonder why lets us go through such hard times in our lives. I wish I had all the answers. While your situations are about another person, mine comes from myself. Which I think is much harder to deal with. I too have seen the carnage of accidents and death. I have seen people riding one minute and dead the next. It hits hard knowing that they were just here and now they are gone. I think of those people all the time. I Remember Brett Hearn. I saw him the day before and the next day he died on an TSBA SMR. I remember Bo (RC51 rider) as well. Mainly because we had an unusual meeting situation. I met a friend of mine for a ride in Deer Park one night and he brought along Bo. Bo had a brand new Honda 954. I was interested in riding it so he let me ride it. I let him ride my GSXR1000. We leave the gas station and the cop turns on the lights on us and Bo and my friend continue riding. I stop and am questioned. I had left my wallet in my bike along with my cell phone. The cop let me go with a warning. Apparently you can turn left from the store but not from the street that is right next to it. Go figure..anywho, Bo and my friend had disappeared. I had no idea where they went and I kinda knew whereabouts of where my riding buddy lived and sure enough, they were there. I was worried sick that I would never find them and that my bike was long gone. So anyways, that was our first meeting. After that, I found out that Bo lived in my hood. I would stop by and talk to him every now and then. He told me about his stunting and such. I always warned him about stunting in traffic congested areas. But he never listened. It caught up with him soon though and he t-boned a truck that was pulling out of a Casa o le in Deer Park while riding a wheelie. The bike burst into flames and he died shortly after life flight picked him up. Seeing him again at his funeral in a red joe rocket phoenix jacket sticks in my head. I also think of my coworker (Brad Hall) that I was close to. He died while riding his new bike. He got a bike on a Saturday and died on a Tuesday. I couldn't ride with him cause I was repairing my bike at the time. All those heart wrenching memories continue to come up day after day. But none of them seem as powerfull as the ones of my accident and what I have become. They say that I could be severely depressed. Perhaps? I try not to dwell on it. I do seem to let it creep up on me when I am having a bad day. Bad days come every once in a while. Like last Friday. It became the worse Friday on record (besides the Friday I crashed). But I'll leave that for another story cause now that I look back on it, I laugh. Isn't that what life is all about? If we had never been in a bad situation, we would never know when we were having a good one. So reflect on something that makes you laugh and have a good time.
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Old 04-14-2006, 09:09 AM   #10
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Hey I know of Bo...A guy I use to ride with married his sister...he was with Bo when it happened...
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