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Old 04-13-2006, 12:43 PM   #1
bentgixxer
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couple of jokes

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. Hed walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.

She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.

She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldnt believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 68" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.

Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?" The biker answers, "Im Cess."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
T-Day

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for , decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have on days that start with the letter T, to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Dont be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didnt realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and Im sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter T to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember its still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little Johnny.
None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.

The teacher replies, The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking. Then Little Johnny says, I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, Well I suppose the one thats gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.

The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Wheres my Rolex!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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We need a subforum for bentgixxer's threads alone.
We'll call it Corpsefish and Horsenuts.
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:05 PM   #2
jrock
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oooohh shoot!! so funny..:laughing6 :laughing6
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:18 PM   #3
yankee
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lol..
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Old 04-13-2006, 02:43 PM   #4
Motogp05
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good ones
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Old 04-13-2006, 04:30 PM   #5
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easterpic
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Old 04-13-2006, 06:59 PM   #6
fuknrobert
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lol
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im not a midget , i was actually born with a type of dwarfism, but i took medication for 12 yrs to reach just 5'6"
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Old 04-13-2006, 07:15 PM   #7
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lmao.
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:57 AM   #8
Patrick
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Funny!


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Old 04-14-2006, 06:13 AM   #9
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yeppers, good uns'
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Old 04-14-2006, 07:29 AM   #10
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hahaha
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